Spider-Gal, Spider-Gal / Does whatever a spider shall / Spins a web, catches creeps / Strikes a pose, plays for keeps!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: on June 9th and 10th my wife Anne and I attended the 39th annual Superman Celebration in Metropolis, IL, a grand bash in honor of the Man of Steel in particular and all the super-heroes who owe their existence and livelihoods to him in general.

And of course there were costumes! Lots of cosplayers spiffing up the town with their favorite characters from the worlds of comics, film, TV, animation, and toy stores. I’ll shut up now and let the photo gallery roll!

(Special thanks to my son for light naming assistance.)

Of course Superman was there. On Friday he led a kids’ costume parade from the north end of Market Street to the Superman statue, noisemakers at full volume all the way.

The parade’s big finale: a group statue rendezvous.

Of course Supergirl was in town to mark the occasion and say hi to her cousin and whatnot.

Another Supergirl hanging out with Vigilante (Golden Age version), the Wizard (old-time DC villain), and Marlon Brando’s Jor-El.

Wonder Woman representation was increased manifold this year. Her movie’s now in theaters. You might’ve heard of it. It’s a big deal.

Another Wonder Woman tries to see the good inside Bizarro. But him give Wonder Woman film 0/10, call it “not awesome and extra rotten!”

When we’re talking Superman villains, it wouldn’t be a complete lineup without Lex Luthor.

Aquaman bides his time, waiting for his big chance to become America’s Next Top DC Hero. SOON.

Guaranteed not to hassle Aquaman in his film: his evil twin Nuclear Man from Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.

It wouldn’t be a gathering of comics fans without at least one Deadpool variant. Filling that critical quota is not-so-mild-mannered Clark Kentpool.

Daily Planet staff meeting! Perry, Jimmy, Lois and Clark hang out by an old-timey car in front of the Super Museum.

Also from the automotive department: Harley Quinn crosses the media to smash Tim Burton’s Batmobile to bits.

Also speaking loudly and carrying a big stick: Casey Jones on patrol, Turtles or no Turtles.

The JLA’s heroic android Red Tornado flanked by new versions of Zatanna and Cheshire from the Young Justice animated series.

A very special Teen Titans/Marvel Family team-up! Mary Marvel, Captain Marvel, Wonder Girl and Superboy.

Saturn Girl, founding member of the Legion of Super-Heroes, brings greetings from the 30th and/or 31st centuries.

Originally the Shade was a straightforward Golden Age DC villain, but fans of the wondrous James Robinson/Tony Harris 1990s Starman series recall his complicated life rather differently.

The most elaborate costume we saw this weekend: John Henry Irons IS Steel.

Fun science fact to keep in mind: whereas your average convention cosplayer spends most of their time indoors and surrounded by air conditioning that helps counter all the body heat milling around them and inside their costumes, all of these fine folks were cosplaying outdoors in summertime in temperatures pushing 90 degrees, some for hours at a time. Their dedication and stamina are impressive and enviable and I hope other fans brought them lots and lots of water.

To be continued! Other chapters in this special MCC miniseries:

Part 1: All-Stars! (photos with our special guests!)
Part 3: food! (coming soon!)
Part 4: who else we met, what else we did! (also coming soon! probably really long!)

An early version of this year’s FandomFest banner, which I have fixed for them at no charge, which is just as well because I suspect they wouldn’t respond to my invoice anyway. [Updated 7/28/2017 to reflect still more guest cancellations…]

Last year around this time, my wife Anne and I had been discussing the possibility of investigating geek conventions in other states beyond our own Indiana besides just fabled Chicago. In recent times we’ve since enjoyed successful outings to Ohio and Michigan, and continue keeping an open mind on future opportunities within reasonable driving distance, or within reasonable flying distance if someone wants to pay our way.

It’s in that spirit of out-of-state geek adventure that we bought Saturday advance tickets for this coming weekend’s FandomFest, the largest recurring comic/entertainment convention in Louisville, Kentucky. Before setting any of this entry into print, I asked my wife Anne whether she would prefer I refer to us as “idiots” or “suckers”. She suggested “hopeless optimists”. Whichever sounds right to you, here we are with weekend plans for which we are presently bracing ourselves for stress and failure. But the important thing is we’ll be miserable and angried up and disgustipated together.

FandomFest has been around at least since 2012, possibly longer but I wouldn’t know because no one’s bothered to create a Wikipedia entry for it yet. I first became aware of it when fans and actors alike attending the 2013 edition found themselves embedded in a state of bedlam which saw at least one Doctor Who actor forgotten in his hotel room for hours, one guest during his Q&A recommending that all fans present should ask for refunds because of so much flagrant mishandling, and more complaints than I can remember because that was four years ago and we didn’t expect to need to compile evidence in the future. Thankfully it’s all been chronicled elsewhere at length online in numerous places. For starters I suggest this comprehensive Storify compiled by a former local blogger, this Reddit complaint thread, and this shorter but no less frustrated recap by a friend of a good friend. For more recent thoughts here’s a newer Reddit thread with lessons for one and all.

So we knew of that year’s horror stories. We shared them with other people in real life to warn them that what we do sometimes can blow up in fans’ faces. Whenever something went wrong at Wizard World Chicago or wherever else, we took solace in the fact that hey, at least we weren’t at FandomFest. We assumed we’d never even think of coming within 500 meters of FandomFest and that was the end of that chapter. The End.

Sometimes when a mouse trap isn’t luring in enough pesky critters, the trick is to swap in bigger, better bait. And that’s exactly what FandomFest did when for 2017 they announced as one of their chief headliners the “Weird Al” Yankovic.

I’ve seen him live in concert here in Indianapolis (well, once so far), but I wasn’t within ten feet of him. Assuming it wasn’t a hoax, a dream, or an imaginary story, the chance to meet Weird Al in person and not just from afar promised to be a brain-detonating experience. I mean, he’s WEIRD AL. YES, THAT WEIRD AL. LIVE AND IN PERSON AND UP CLOSE if promises were kept.

So we overlooked the four-year-old evidence and testimonies and, without researching how 2014-2016 went for them, we conned ourselves into adding yet another con to our agenda. We know cons can improve. We watched it happen with our own Indiana Comic Con, which overcame a disastrous inaugural year and a chaotic sophomore effort to become, in year 3 and year 4, a normal geek festival conducted with competence and expedience for those of us who know to arrive early and get to the front of the lines hours before showtime. Indiana Comic Con showed us that showrunners can learn lessons and cons can get better and planted the seed of hope within our brains.

The weeds of doubt began creeping in when the earliest cancellations began. Paul McGann, the Eighth Doctor, was likewise a headliner but was among the first to back out weeks ago when he signed up for a new BBC series. His Doctor Who companion Daphne Ashbrook was announced as well, and even had tickets available for a dual photo-op with McGann that was the first item to sell out online, but her name was removed shortly thereafter. A couple other guests likewise had to bow out for varying reasons of assorted depths.

Last week, less than two weeks before showtime, came the bombshell announcement that turned every geek head in the land: instead of the usual local convention center, this year’s FandomFest would be held at a shopping mall, inside the shell of what was once a two-story Macy’s, which shut down last April when the company downsized several dozen stores nationwide.

The showrunners were quick to tout the benefits of holding a comic con in a mall. Free parking, assuming they don’t run out of spaces for the thousands of rubes like us they’re expecting. Convenient food court, if you like scoops of meat on rice. Easy driving distance to local hotels, which is especially awesome for any fans who prepaid for their hotel reservations next door to the convention center six miles away from Jefferson Mall. And there’s a Toys R Us outside, so they have that going for the toy collectors if their shelves aren’t picked clean by Friday afternoon.

FandomFest news began a steady downhill roll as the guest cancellations began to rack up. This past Monday came the news we dreaded might come, but suspected might happen even before we bought the tickets: Weird Al’s people announced that he’d officially canceled his FandomFest appearance.

Fun trivia: FandomFest has a strict “no refunds” policy, period and dot, full stop, end of negotiations. If you prepaid for autograph or photo-op tickets for a guest that canceled, they’ll agreeably allow you to exchange it for tickets for another guest, or else credit your funds toward a future show held by the same company. If you paid with a credit card you might be able to convince your company to stop the charges, but that’s not an option on their site and isn’t a guaranteed cure. Stuck in a position where that’s not an option for us, that means we’ll have to settle for meeting Hollywood folks who are thoroughly not Weird Al instead, or else write the whole thing off as a loss, a waste, and a repeat of lessons already learned years ago.

More fun trivia: our exchange options are thinning by the hour. Yesterday and today the FandomFest updates achieved runaway-cart speeds and we’re now at a point where the cancellations literally outnumber the celebrities who are ostensibly attending. As of tonight, subject to change without notice, possibly up until the doors open Friday and well into Saturday, the following guests have not yet demonstrated intent to cancel and abandon us to the tender mercies of bitter, actor-less mall-walking:

Sean Gunn (we met him previously, 10/10)
Ross Marquand (Aaron from The Walking Dead)
Kyla Kenedy (li’l doomed Mika from The Walking Dead)
Matthew Lillard (Scream, Scooby-Doo, Alexander Payne’s The Descendants)
Paul Michael Glaser (Starsky from Starsky & Hutch)
Brenda Strong (Lillian Luthor from The CW’s Supergirl)
Sonny Chiba (kung fu legend)
Kenji Ohba (got me)
Keith Coogan (’80s sidekick-kid)
Brian Cummings (the voice of the stove from Disney’s animated Beauty and the Beast)
Julie Dolan (Princess Leia’s voice in recent animated projects)
Peyton Wich (Troy the bully from Stranger Things)
Stephen McHattie (the original Nite-Owl from Watchmen, among hundreds of movie/TV pop-up roles)
Sam Jones (Flash Gordon, late addition to the guest list 7/27)
Brighton Sharbino (Lizzie of the flower-looking from The Walking Dead, never announced but there anyway)

…and on the non-actor side, there’s a local special girl with a rare condition who has her own YouTube channel, and a pair of local filmmakers.

Curiously, famed wrestler Sting is scheduled to drop by on Sunday only, but he’s also scheduled to appear at Florida Supercon the day before, so he might be a bit tired by the time he gets to Kentucky.

As of the moment I clicked “Publish” tonight, the following guests have canceled or will not be appearing because negotiations basically failed after their name was added to the site:

Paul McGann
Daphne Ashbrook (who was so super-canceled that her name isn’t even in their official cancellation list)
Chalet Brannan (ditto)
Spencer Wilding
John Paragon
Paul Kasey
Xander Berkeley
Chris Sullivan
Lisa Ryder
Michael Eklund
“Weird Al” Yankovic
Charlie Adler
Margaret Kerry
Paige O’Hara
Robby Benson
Richard White
Jesse Corti
Bradley Pierce
Nik Ranieri
Burt Ward
C. Andrew Nelson
Briana Venskus
Peter Shinkoda
Tori Spelling
Dean McDermott
Ian Ziering
Ingvild Deila
Jim Cornette (canceled mere hours after being added to the list 7/27)
Al Snow (also added 7/27, then taken right back down)
Skeet Ulrich

…along with cosplayers Karli Woods and Monster Kawaii Cosplay.

[Final list update 7/29/2017, 7:30 pm EDT. Special thanks to Melissa Chipman at Insider Louisville.]

Those last few haven’t even been updated on the official site as of late tonight, Expect that to change Wednesday morning, along with Lord knows what else. Please note these lists will be updated wherever possible, though not hourly because my schedule the rest of this week isn’t light.

So this is where things stand at the moment — steeling ourselves for the weekend ahead and looking for those silver linings among the already thundering storm clouds. We had to turn down an invitation to a family cookout to do this thing, so we’re missing out on grilled meats largely because, in the voice of Chris’ dad from Everybody Hates Chris: we just spent dozens of dollars on conventioning. Someone gonna go geek out up in that. And, to be honest, a minuscule part of me hasn’t seen a proper trainwreck in years and morbidly wants to see one up close even if it inflicts deep, regrettable wounds on my own psyche.

We’d rather not have to approach this like a sad MST3K flick writ large. We’d like to have a good time and our intent is to try our hardest insofar as those aspects we can control. Regarding the parts we can’t control…rest assured you’ll hear about them here on MCC on Saturday night when we get home. Louisville is only a two-hour drive from Indianapolis, so I expect to have plenty of energy and some form of enthusiasm at my disposal when it’s time to document our side of things.

Worst-case scenario: we’ll come away with nothing but complaining rights and fulfilled membership requirements for the closed Facebook group “Louisville’s FandomFest is a fiasco every year“. I presume the hazing ritual involves walking through a procession of dozens of FandomFest survivors shouting “TOLD YOU SO” in our ears. Can’t wait!

* * * * *

Postscript added 15 minutes later: I didn’t even address the “comic” guest list of this comic con. The short version of my thoughts: very few established, published artists are listed on the site, so I’m thinking our usual Artists Alley stroll won’t take long, though I’m sure we’ll be wondering to ourselves which Macy’s department used to occupy their space. Including amateurs and artists who only sell prints, the sum total artists promises to be less than the number of self-published/small-press novelists on the roster. Careful, longtime MCC readers know I do not take these math results as an encouraging omen.

Postscript II: The Scriptening — added 7/30/2017: The two-part coverage of our complete FandomFest experience is now posted! Check out Part One for the guests we met, showrunning observations from the scene, and the Macy’s fixtures still on display. Or skip to Part Two if you’re all about cosplay, cosplay, cosplay.

…I now solemnly swear I am done updating this entry forever.

Ladies and gentlemen, Matthew Lillard! You might remember him from such films as Scream and Scooby-Doo! He’s a party!

“…and that’s why I say Louisville CANNOT STAND for this grave injustice one moment longer!” I bellowed into the Q&A stage microphone.

The crowd of righteous, wronged fans cheered me and waved their Funco Pops in the air while a pair of Louisville detectives escorted the owners of FandomFest away in handcuffs, ankle cuffs, and scarlet letter Rs (for “ripoff”) spray-painted on their thousand-dollar suit jackets. At last, all the sins of these unrepentant hucksters stood exposed and would be held accountable. Justice would soon be ours thanks to the newly instituted Department of Geekland Security.

I passed the mic to the nearest Colonel Sanders cosplayer, who had been hastily appointed the convention’s interim chairman in accordance with Kentucky convention regulations. Next to him stood a six-foot tall KFC bucket because of course it did. He shook my hand and faced the crowd.

“I am SO SORRY that fandom has had to endure this charade, but soon we will put this right!” He pointed emphatically at random points in the crowd. “I vow that you shall get a refund! And YOU get a refund! And YOU get a REFUND! ALL Y’ALL WILL GET REFUNDS!”

The applause and roars and whistles reached ear-shattering decibel levels, a standing ovation rivaling any ever endured at the Oscars. And just when we thought we fans couldn’t explode any harder, a pair of hands burst through the giant paper chicken bucket and waved at everyone.

Out of the mega-bucket climbed an enthusiastic Weird Al Yankovic. He’d come after all, cleverly disguised as food. We should’ve known.

Weird Al took the mic from the Colonel, summoned his band out from behind the nearest support columns, and proceeded to play a free three-hour greatest hits dance-party concert, followed by unlimited photo ops and autograph signings that lasted well into the night.

We were content.

* * * * *

…okay, so FandomFest didn’t turn out exactly as I’d imagined.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s in the spirit of out-of-state geek adventure that my wife Anne and I bought Saturday advance tickets for this coming weekend’s FandomFest, the largest recurring comic/entertainment convention in Louisville, Kentucky. Before setting any of this entry into print, I asked my wife Anne whether she would prefer I refer to us as “idiots” or “suckers”. She suggested “hopeless optimists”. Whichever sounds right to you, here we are with weekend plans for which we are presently bracing ourselves for stress and failure. But the important thing is we’ll be miserable and angried up and disgustipated together.

I spent the week following the tense FandomFest conversations all week long on Twitter and wherever I could find them on Facebook, when they weren’t deleted by heavy-handed convention minions eliminating unsightly dissent on orders from above. I cleared out a ridiculous amount of head space and let FandomFest rent it for the week as a war room in preparation for what we assumed would be the worst convention experience of our lives.

We’ve had cons go sour on us before. The one show so drastically underattended that we had a twenty-minute chat with a comedian/voice actor because no one was behind us in line. The first-time show that was temporarily shut down upon reaching maximum capacity, leaving thousands of would-be attendees clogging a cavernous hallway without hope of admission. That time a showrunner announced guests without contracts in place, tried double-crossing a Star Trek captain into coming anyway, and effectively ended his career when his check to the renowned actor bounced. That time a show let a former governor and future convicted felon sign autographs as an unannounced guest. The celebration with the Worst Line We’ve Ever Waited in Our Entire Lives, 5½ hours just to buy the con’s own merchandise.

The way that FandomFest’s past burned customers had been talking up their war stories, we expected far worse. An organized guest walkout. Picketers demanding refunds for broken promises past and present. Fire marshals shutting down the whole affair if it reached the 1700-occupant limit set forth by the local fire department. Burning effigies. Riots and looting. That sort of thing.

As previously explained, we knew the cautionary tales but signed up anyway when THE Weird Al Himself was announced as this year’s headliner. We knew there was a 98% chance his listing would be a hoax, a dream, or a precursor to cancellation heartbreak. We hung our hopes on that 2%. The one-day general admission were cheap in the first place, but Anne nabbed them when the official site had a 40%-off sale. Weird Al’s respective autograph and photo-op prices were, to be frank, offensively low for an influential entertainer of his stature. Even with egregious online processing fees tacked on (a sideline irritant we experience with nearly every con ever), our pre-ordered grand total added up to a few bucks less than what it would’ve cost us to attend one day of Gen Con this year instead. Obviously FandomFest is no Gen Con and never will be, but still.

We rolled the dice and took the plunge. When the con announced less than two weeks before showtime that this year’s edition would be held inside an abandoned Macy’s, we took that as a yellow flag the size of Texas. When Weird Al canceled, we weren’t surprised but we freaked out anyway. Even though thirty-one personalities had bowed out over the course of the past several weeks, the con held fast to its strict NO REFUNDS policy. Fans who’d bought autograph/photo-op tickets for the canceled guests, or who now didn’t want to attend this show at all, could either exchange those tickets for other guests or have their funds credited toward the same company’s future events. If any living being exercised the latter option, I’d be tremendously shocked.

Anyone interested in initiating the “exchange” process online in advance found it was a joke. We received an email instructing us to purchase tickets for the celebs we’d rather see, and then the show would refund the costs of the canceled celebs’ tickets to us. Have you ever gone to McDonald’s, asked for another sandwich because your Big Mac was given to you stone cold, only to be told you’d have to buy another sandwich first? No. No, you have not. This was absurd and no rational fan was having it, even if “rational” became in question as soon as we’d bought tickets in the first place.

After a few days talking it through and charting the guest list’s steady decline, we came to a decision. We’d paid for basic admission, so we’d at least do that. We’d investigate the exchange process in person and see if it worked differently. If they allowed an exchange, we knew which two actors we’d like to meet, out of the fifteen who ultimately were in the house on Saturday. Honestly, our Plan A was literally “meet Weird Al and run”, so we hadn’t given hard thought to the rest of the guest list till he backed out. As you can imagine, constant cancellations complicated the decision-making process. My sincerest condolences to anyone who prepaid for all five Beauty & the Beast guests only to find themselves having to Plan-B the heck out of this shindig when their agent withdrew them en masse.

If the show did not allow the exchange unless we jumped through the aforementioned hoop that sounded like the heinous contrivance of a Leverage villain, then we’d consider the Weird Al tickets a loss and consider them our purchase price for FandomFest complaining rights in perpetuity. Either way we’d walk the show floor, look for cosplayers, maybe buy an object, and be on our way. For a two-hour drive from Indianapolis to Louisville, we veteran road-trippers found these terms minimally acceptable.

Just to confirm: writing off that much money would’ve sucked. We could weather it if we had to, but I realize a significant number of fans would find it a much more crippling loss and shouldn’t have to weather it. Major satisfied shout-out to the folks at Wizard World, who’ve cheerfully refunded monies to us in years past whenever actors had to bow out. When your con can’t measure up to Wizard World standards, you’re running the wrong kind of “con”. Customers can tell when a company’s service policies are designed with “Never, ever let their money go” as your #1 guiding principle. You don’t get to act surprised when they revolt at your upfront greed.

Saturday morning, we braced for the worst, which would’ve been denial of exchange and denial of admission. For a show that once boasted 30,000 attendees, the fire marshal’s limit of merely 1700 would spell instant disaster if that many Kentuckians still bought in despite past letdowns.

We arrived at 9:00 a.m., an hour before showtime, at one of the con’s three entrances (two outdoor plus the interior mall doorway) and discovered early indicators that overcrowding might not be a problem.

By now a standard C2E2 line would be the size of a village. This was definitely not Chicago.

The other fans in line had read the same news articles we had and had the same complaints we did. They also shared our determination to find some day to make the best of our day and our funds held hostage. That same sort of tempered positivity was the rule of the day throughout the show floor. With the social media firestorm set aside, it was easier to unwind and get into the spirit of geekdom, regardless of the cumulative disappointments.

We’d started the day off on the right foot merely by choosing the door nearest the Will Call pickup line. Anne also confirmed this with the volunteer manning the door, though she first had to explain to the young teen what “Will Call” meant. I was among six fans nationwide who’d done the research and realized that FandomFest’s official app had a map of the show floor and that the official site did as well. For some reason it was posted under the “Exhibitors” section instead of the empty “Map” section, one of many failures for which someone ought to shake their web designers really, really hard.

[Added 7/30/2017, 8:35 a.m.: That wish for holding their web team accountable is especially emphatic in light of the troubling fact that their site still showed active photo-op/autograph ticket listings for canceled guests days after they’d pulled out. (Prime example: Ingvild Deila, who admitted she wasn’t coming to a lone fan who asked, but never formally announced her withdrawal.) I saw posts from many casual internet users who were used to trusting official sites and hadn’t been keeping up with the headlines, only to be stunned when they arrived on the premises and learned what some of us sadly already knew. We pressed on a bit more securely than that, but only because tracking the con’s activity became a week-long defensive obsession for me.]

At 9:30 we were ushered into the building to pick up our Saturday wristbands and gather in the final entrance line. I saw one (1) VIP ticketholder allowed onto the show floor early, where he mostly browsed a Funco Pop stand because not much else was going on yet.

The R2-D2 Builders Club had the advantage of copious floor space right by our entrance.

Around 9:40 a FandomFest volunteer walked the line and passed out free donuts. Thankfully, all the volunteers we talked to throughout the day were good people, even when they didn’t have all the answers.

The allocated line spaces, should fans have chosen to show up early like us. By 9:50 the fan population was at less than 10% of the 1700 limit.

At 10 sharp we were ushered in and wandered the two floors, exploring the various compartments and their lingering vestiges of the erstwhile Macy’s shopping wonderland. Fixtures and signs had been left behind, some put to creative use by the dealers and groups on hand.

Vintage toys and merch by the ghost of Lancôme.

Thinking about accessorizing your bookshelves with your favorite characters? Consult our Funco Pop consigliere.

DISCLAIMER: Jolly Jawas not responsible for delivery issues with your Macy’s order.

No, you may not come try on new costumes here.

Sugar Fashion Cakes was one of a few snack purveyors on hand. Other vendors offered lollipops, sugar-free energy drinks, and fancy coffee. Macy’s couldn’t house a proper concession stand — fans were directed instead to the mall food court.

There’s always room for sugar gliders, apparently. Ugh.

The escalator ride to the second floor provides a view of the skylight and the booths yet to come.

One of the upstairs panel stages. The show’s official schedule was available in their app days in advance but never posted on their site. I have no idea how much of it remained valid.

Beyond the authors clustered around the escalator, the second floor offered several empty spaces where you could dance or play football or whatever.

It’s worth noting the official map listed general locations of kinds of groups, but they never publicly shared anything more detailed pointing to locations for any specific vendors or guests, unlike your average detail-oriented con. The photo op booth required a few right turns to find beyond an otherwise desolate plain. In that preceding photo, turning left at the red pillar brought you to the faraway table of the Ohio River Valley Cosplayers and Prop Builders, upstanding folks far too easy to overlook. The site listed more cosplay groups ostensibly intended for that section, but I’m guessing they skipped out. At far right in the same pic, you can just barely make out the lone Army recruiter who had dozens of square feet all to himself, quarantined away from all other tables.

We spent the first forty minutes of our con on a critical task: ticket exchanges. They had one table for autograph exchanges by the first-floor celebrity section, and one table for photo-op exchanges by the second-floor photo-op hidey-hole. We hit the autograph table first, where they had a list of prices and “Autograph Tickets” in the form of pre-printed paper scraps. We gave them Weird Al’s ticket; they wrote another actor’s name on a scrap and handed it to us. Since Weird Al charged less, we had to hand in our photo-op ticket to make up the difference in price. They in turn handed us a second scrap with our unused credit amount and the volunteer’s signature on it. We walked the second scrap up to the second floor and exchanged it for a “Photo Op” scrap with another actor’s name they hand-wrote on it.

The prices came out close enough that we’re not overly concerned with the small loss we incurred to finish the exchange. It was a lot less painless than the “you throw us the idol, we throw you the whip” malarkey their advance email had outlined.

You may have already noticed the winner of our autograph exchange: Matthew Lillard! In addition to bringing enormous energy to Kevin Williamson’s incisive Scream script and portraying the greatest Shaggy since Casey Kasem (as he’s continued to do for numerous post-movie Scooby-Doo animated projects), Lillard previously impressed me in the li’l 1998 indie SLC Punk and in a small yet critical role in the devastating Best Picture nominee The Descendants, in which he played an adulterer whose overall train of thought was “Is George Clooney about to murder me?”

Lillard had been the most engaging of all the celebs on Twitter in the days leading up to the show, particularly having fun discussing his recent turn on the revived Twin Peaks. In person he was just as kooky and charming. Upon noticing my shirt, he also told us the story of the time he got to work in London with a young David Tennant before he became a British TV superstar. Very much a delight to meet and he totally got our thing for “jazz hands”. None of the actors ever had a long line the entire time we were there (more than a few were left alone for long minutes to play on their phones while waiting for any fan to come say hi), but Lillard was one of several who never lacked for interaction.

At noon was our appointment for our photo-op winner: Brenda Strong! You might know her as the narrator for every episode of Desperate Housewives, or as a Ewing in the Dallas relaunch, or in supporting roles in dozens of shows in her career. To us she’s Lillian Luthor, scheming matriarch from season 2 of The CW’s Supergirl. In other DC universes usually Lex Luthor’s mom is either a dead saint or a forgotten footnote, but in the absence of Lionel she’s an underhanded businesswoman and mother who proves the apples don’t fall far from the tree, as she hinted we might see from her daughter Lena in the season ahead.

And she’s only the second person ever to invoke the name of Bob Fosse when we asked about jazz hands, making her just that much cooler.

A few days earlier I’d seen a public Facebook post from a former FandomFest photographer incensed that his services had been determined unnecessary this year. Strong’s was the first photo op scheduled Saturday, which meant she had the not-exactly-pleasure of waiting for the seemingly new photographer to work out the kinks in his system, by which I mean booting up their three photo printers and getting them online. After a few awkward minutes he got up ‘n’ running, and everyone’s pics were printed within seconds of snapping…though not without some noticeable composition issues. I promise I’ve scanned and posted that photo exactly as it turned out, no haphazard cropping on my part.

Lillard and Strong were our two primary objectives completed. Beyond that, we walked the show floor, we met cosplayers, and we bought things from the following successful salespeople:

* Author Michael West, whom we’ve seen at previous shows here in Indianapolis. Full disclosure: I know him in person offline.

* C. A. Preece, a high school science teacher who’s joined the ranks of educational comics makers as writer of the new graphic novel CheMystery, which promises a fun read.

* C. Bryant Productions, Preece’s next-door table-neighbor who had drawings for sale and a logical “hey, lookie, we’re right here!” approach to marketing toward anyone within close reach.

* The aforementioned Sugar Fashion Cakes, for one cupcake to go.

…and that’s it. I knew there were Q&As coming soon, but once all our basic goals were met, we lost any remaining desire for extra credit. Also, I was starving and had no desire for mall food court grub. We finished our FandomFest experience and were out the door by 12:30. For the math-curious that’s four hours of two-way driving, one hour spent on the line to get in, forty minutes on ticket exchanges, and 110 minutes on actual conventioning. We’ve done worse for less.

By the end of the day at least a couple hundred more fans had packed into the Macy’s and begun turning into a bona fide crowd. Anne noted that today’s attendance was probably more people than the actual Macy’s had entertained in years. But it was never anywhere near 1700. For a show that once welcomed a five-digit annual attendance, that’s an alarming deceleration.

For a show in its twelfth year, with so many years of experience and resources (you’d think, anyway), that’s a drastic sign either of incompetence, evil, or intentional downsizing. We can’t speak for the innumerable fans still upset with their FandomFest fleecing and still crying out for retribution, but I wish more could be done for them.

But in all honesty…for our short time up in there, it was fun. We saw other folks with differing priorities also having fun. Severely adjusting our parameters ahead of time made a huge difference, to say nothing of the massive research and constant monitoring I’d done all week long so I knew exactly which guests were or weren’t attending, and so I knew which informational tidbits were available where. That’s not how most folks approach conventions, and I wish we wouldn’t have to do that, but there it was. We controlled what we could, found workarounds for the rest, and ultimately got something resembling our money’s worth.

We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do. Or drive ourselves bonkers trying.

* * * * *

[a year from now]

“Hey, honey — did you see FandomFest has announced their 2018 guest list? So far they’ve added Chris Evans, Chris Pratt, Kate Mulgrew, Kevin Spacey, They Might Be Giants, and Omar from The Wire. Should I buy tickets?”

I looked at her for several long, silent seconds. Then we both laughed together for several minutes until tears streamed and messed up our glasses.

We went back to our quiet reading and never visited the FandomFest website again for the rest of our lives.

We were content.

One last round of fun with the old Macy’s mirrors.

Coming up next: the other chapter, in which we cover the mandatory part of every convention experience…cosplay!

The Spectre, DC Comics’ renowned spirit of vengeance, bids you welcome to the land of the vengeful!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: on Saturday my wife Anne and I attended FandomFest in Louisville, KY, the twelfth iteration of this entertainment/”comic” convention that’s quite low on comics, heavy on controversy, improper in its online customer service, saddled with a years-old negative image not really helped by the depressing role call of thirty-one canceled guests, and graded a solid F by the Better Business Bureau. But beyond the mountains of baggage, their volunteers were pretty friendly to us in person despite their upper management, and the fifteen actors in the house seemed like decent folks.

But enough about that. Are you as tired of reading about FandomFest’s issues as I am of typing about them? If not, I totally understand and I hope one day true customer satisfaction will be yours without requiring a nasty blood vendetta against the Lochners. Until then: we got costumes! Lots of costumes! Fans do love the cosplayers and their cosplay. Backroom shenanigans or not, dozens of cosplayers sported their finest duds this weekend and did what they could for the sake of convention quality-of-life and their favorite characters. Enjoy!

Continuing the theme of “characters pointing or aiming things at us” is Savitar, self-styled “god” of speed and mortal enemy of the Flash.

Doctor Doom in his rare Future Foundation variant armor.

The unbeatable Squirrel Girl and Tippy-Toe the squirrel wonder.

Scarecrow, who wants to show Batman something up close…

…HIS SURPRISE EXTENDABLE JAW, which made Anne jump about three feet back.

Jack Skellington getting antsy between holidays.

Miles Morales, your other friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Robocop thanks you for your cooperation.

In addition to the usual sonic screwdriver, the Tenth Doctor brought his spare hand and a tiny dollop of Adipose.

The Doctor’s extremely good friend River Song, one among many Doctor Who fans really missing Paul McGann and Daphne Ashbrook this weekend. (Check out her official page for more cosplay fun.)

In case you thought I was kidding about Colonel Sanders cosplay in Part One. And he even brought one of Gonzo’s girlfriends for lunch!

Continuing the theme of “fans who insisted on posing with Anne”: Moana!

Mandatory Deadpool. I think the variant-Deadpool cosplay fad is finally dying, judging by its absence here.

Count Orlok from Nosferatu, energetically working the show floor on behalf of The Devil’s Attic, a local Halloween haunted house.

The kindly Lego Batman tabling on behalf of the Ohio River Valley Cosplayers and Prop Builders, a fine cosplay group that participates in local charity events. Their next benefit will be a street painting festival in October on behalf of the Foster Children of New Beginnings Foundation.

Earl Alois Trancy (Black Butler II) and Elizabeth Midford (Black Butler: Book of the Atlantic) meet Belle and Prince Adam, both really missing those five canceled Beauty and the Beast guests.

Nightwing, Killer Croc, and Two-Face.

Star-Lord, Gamora, and li’l Baby Groot.

Director Krennic from Rogue One.

A Jawa in a Sandcrawler that also functions as a wheelchair. Not sure if it fit into the Macy’s elevator.

The Black Knight, limbs intact before the flesh wounds.

Ursula, wondering if the mall food court sells scoops of mermaid on rice.

If you’ve read the great Planet Hulk, then you know this variant. If not, you’ll get to see extracts from it in Thor: Ragnarok.

Margaret Kerry, one of the thirty-one cancellations, was the original voice of Tinkerbell from Peter Pan. A shame she missed this awesome tribute.

The End. Thanks for reading! Hopefully we can find a great non-FandomFest opportunity to return someday to the Kentucky convention scene. If so, see you then!

At left: astromech droid guts. At right: droid head made from 3-D printer parts. Droid head tech has leapt forward parsecs since George Lucas’ day.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: last Saturday my wife Anne and I took a two-hour jaunt from Indianapolis to Louisville, KY, to check out FandomFest, the twelfth iteration to what some local fans consider the twelfth circle of Hell. I’d otherwise rather not rehash the prologue, Part One, or Part Two, so for anyone who didn’t read those entries or peruse the cosplay gallery, the TL;DR version is much of the weekend could’ve gone a lot better, but it wasn’t an irredeemable waste.

Not everything we encountered Saturday seemed to fit neatly into the MCC FandomFest Trilogy. Before we return to our regular scheduled programming — by which I mean our 2017 road trip series and three backlogged movie entries, among the occasional digressions of my wandering attention — here’s a look back at three mini-galleries that didn’t involve talented cosplayers or the skeletal remains of Macy’s, Inc.

One of the largest, showiest, niftiest FandomFest exhibits was provided courtesy of the local chapter of the R2-D2 Builders Club, an international league doing for those cute Star Wars droids what the 501st Legion does for Stormtroopers. Tabling just inside the door and right along the Will Call path, the Club was a welcoming sight for any and all fans upon arrival.

Sure, we could’ve showcased the same old Artoo, or we could board the BB-8 bandwagon and lavish attention upon this functional doppelgänger. Yeah, let’s do that. So cute!

Not everyone sticks to the traditional chrome-dome design. R5-D4 was the trendsetter of the toothpaste-cap-head scene, where its influence has extended to a variety of models.

As a kid I had a couple dozen Star Wars action figures (and my wife still has hundreds), and one of my favorites was the Gonk Droid even though it had literally two points of articulation.

One of those amusing, nicely detailed Mouse Droids, built actual size.

For fans who prefer larger displays of Lucasfilm machines, this former Macy’s clothing section converted seamlessly into a speeder bike showcase.

We intended to take more photos of the drive to and from Louisville, but we found that stretch of I-65 lined on either side with numerous obstacles and eyesores that drove us to distraction. We’d also considered fitting in a tourist attraction or two, but we ultimately decided we’d rather return home ASAP after lunch and reclaim what was left of the weekend.

A new I-65 bridge was recently constructed across the Ohio River. It looks cool but gave them an excuse to turn this Indiana/Kentucky access point into a toll road. Huzzah.

After lunch, our exfiltration path took us to a roundabout with a surprise statue we didn’t know was there, commemorating Brigadier General John Breckinridge Castleman. The name was unfamiliar to us, but the internet tells us Castleman served as a major with the CSA cavalry till he was captured. Lincoln stayed his execution and exiled him to France instead, which ended when President Andrew Johnson pardoned him in 1866. The statue might be in honor of his antebellum contributions to the community and state, but the CSA receives prominent mention in the statue’s plaque, so that part was very important to someone ’round there.

Um, we saw more than enough “Hurray for CSA!” sights on our 2015 drive through Alabama and Mississippi, thanks anyway.

Lunch itself was a different sort of fun, at a place called Super Chefs. It was twenty minutes north of FandomFest in the Highlands, Louisville’s own small, dense, trendy neighborhood of shops and culture. (Our version in Indianapolis is called Broad Ripple. I recognize that vibe.) Super Chefs is a superhero-themed restaurant, where some dishes bear names known to geeks (the Liu Kang! the Harley Quinn! the Mister Sinister!) and the decor follows suit. I refused to pass up this opportunity while we were in town, especially since they serve breakfast till 3 p.m. on weekends.

Oddly, the servers don’t wear costumes, just T-shirts — some of which bore Scripture on the back, including Proverbs 3:5-6 and Colossians 3:23. On one wall is a large, Last Supper homage in which Marvel and DC heroes mingle (plus Todd McFarlane’s Spawn), all captioned “Food, Faith & Superheroes” that orients discerning patrons to the true heart of the restaurant.

Breakfast is kind of their thing, but they’re also open for dinner.

I appreciated the menu’s attention to detail, down to the comic book UPC code and obsolete Comics Code Authority seal.

A few of their offerings, and the headings that celebrate the theme.

One ingredient above all others makes its way into numerous dishes: candied bacon. Before our local Bob Evans picked up on this trend and decided it should be commercialized, local restaurateurs nationwide were blazing the trail and making it cool. Within another year or so I expect we’ll be seeing candied bacon ice cream, candied bacon Pop Tarts, candied bacon Quarter Pounders, and candied bacon jokes on stale network sitcoms.

Not that I’m complaining. Yet. I’m getting to an age where it’ll have to go into the “moderated foods” queue, though — no one-pound piles of candied bacon as an appetizer for me, I’m afraid. But Super Chefs put it to decent use in our respective meals.

Anne asked for a “plain” cheeseburger and received this formidable sandwich and artfully sliced fries. It didn’t blow her mind, but it filled a need.

As for mine…behold the Juggernaut. Fried chicken, egg, honey, and pepper jack cheese served on red waffles with fresh garnish and a side of syrup. Oddly, only one of the two halves had cheese on it. 12/10 anyway.

…and that’s the story of why we didn’t bother with the infamous mall food court. In fact, we never set foot in the mall beyond the Macy’s entrance. It’s not really why we were in town.

A few generous folks, including a nice couple in the photo-op ticket exchange line, gave us fantastic ideas for Louisville sightseeing beyond what we’ve already done (cf. Zachary Taylor’s gravesite, or that time I rode the Belle of Louisville as a kid). We look forward to exploring those places in our future visits to the area. Well, maybe not the CSA guy’s block again, but who knows. Updates as they occur!

Longtime MCC readers will remember our jazz-hands photo op with TV’s John Barrowman from Wizard World Chicago 2016. Somehow this gentleman keeps coming back into our lives again and again…

It’s that time once more! This weekend my wife and I made another journey up to Wizard World Chicago in scenic Rosemont, IL, where we found much enjoyment and new purchases alongside peers and aficionados of comics and genre entertainment. Friday night left us near death by the end of our day, after a few miles’ worth of walking up and down the aisles and hallways, with breaks to go stand in lines of varying lengths and value. We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do.

We’ll be posting our photos ASAP after we get home — including some new jazz hands and, yes, all the cosplay we caught on camera — but will regrettably come up one major actor short of our original hopes.

For us the big, big draw at this year’s WWC was scheduled to be the Tenth Doctor himself, David Tennant. My wife and I also know him as the barely seen Barty Crouch Jr. from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and more importantly as DS Alec Hardy from the harrowing British small-town crime drama Broadchurch, whose third and final season just recently finished airing on BBC America. We were excited at the prospect of adding to our Doctor Who photo-op collection.

Then came heartbreaking news: David Tennant canceled. Anne and I found out the hard way when we arrived at registration Friday morning — via posted paper message, though not quite the harsh Dear John letter we dreaded at first.

Like many fans, at first all we saw were the first few lines before we flew into a fit of despair. NOOOO. WHYYYY. BOOOOO. EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE. WIZARD WORLD SUCKS. IT’S FANDOMFEST ALL OVER AGAIN AND I FEEL PTSD COMING ON.

Then we calmed down and checked our phones. Tennant had canceled because of emergency illness in his family. He also recorded an extremely apologetic video on Facebook…

…and that shut a lot of us up.

Then we read further down the posted notice and realized Wizard World had chosen to take unprecedented steps to placate anyone who had pre-ordered Tennant’s photo ops, autographs, and VIP weekend badges. Refunds would be issued back to the credit cards of anyone and everyone in that list. In addition to their refunds, Tennant VIP ticket holders would be granted free weekend admission and would get to keep their huge bag of freebies. BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! Those same souls who had pre-ordered Tennant’s photo ops, autographs, and VIP weekend badges would also be given free general admission for Wizard World Chicago 2018 and free admission to the 2017 Wizard World show of their choice in another town. As of this writing those options include Nashville, TN; Madison, WI; Biloxi, MS; Montgomery, AL; Oklahoma City, OK; Springfield, MO; Austin, TX; and Winston-Salem, NC.

Such an offer is unprecedented in our entire history of conventioning. Longtime MCC readers will note this gracious offer is the exact polar opposite of FandomFest, where 31 guests ultimately canceled and the showrunners’ executive response amounted to little more than “lol ok whatevs”. We were impressed. 97% of the fans with whom we were in contact were understanding and impressed. The consensus was that neither Tennant nor Wizard World were at fault for the situation, so there was no use raging against them.

The other 3% were fans who had bought dual photo-op or VIP combos jointly tying their perks to Tennant and one of the other four Doctor Who costars on the guest list. Unwinding their concerns while still affording them perks for their remaining celeb proved trickier in some cases. But anyone who accuses Wizard World of not trying to meet them halfway is probably trapped more by their own circumstances than by any perceived corporate harshness. I can’t speak much more to that except to say that it is absolutely impossible for any company to please everyone all the time, least of all under such unusually disappointing circumstances.

Our prayers are with the Tennant family during this deeply lamentable time, but I do hope those let-down fans found reasons for cheer in their weekend nonetheless. Thankfully several other actors and many fans contributed to a satisfying weekend for us, not all of it focused on Doctor Who despite some grumbling about the guest list.

On Saturday afternoon we ran across another missive aanother nd surprise, this one 200% more pleasant. As many conventions do, Wizard World sent an ad for Wizard World Chicago to their presumably humongous email list trying to goad still more fans into attending the show, which is very much not sold out. The email has links to buy tickets and photo ops, a boast of their Certificate of Authenticity system for autograph hounds, a promo for a film debuting at the show, and I stopped short when I got to the section touting their new, improved autograph/photo-op redemption system. (Results were mixed, but we’ll come back to that in a future entry.)

Because every section of an email ad needs pretty pictures, Wizard World’s marketing department drew from their vast catalog of photo ops that fans have had taken over the years. The fine print all throughout Wizard World’s purchasing programs explicitly informs attendees that by agreeing to spend money on these opportunities, in return Wizard World reserves the rights to use those materials pretty much anywhere whenever they feel like it. If you don’t want to sign over that singular image of you with Famous Geek Star, then you’ll need to bring your own camera and hope they sell selfies at the autograph table.

So my casual reading of this ordinary marketing email screeched to a halt, complete with cartoon braking sound in my head, when I realized I recognized the faces in the photo. And now so do you.

Of all the thousands upon thousands of photos they have on file, someone of discerning taste reached into the colossal pile of files, plucked out our WWC 2016 jazz-hands photo op with John Barrowman, and chose us as their stock photo couple of the day.

Before exclaiming about this to anyone, I did some double-checking. I can confirm this wasn’t targeted email using any images tied specifically to me because I haven’t used this particular email address to buy anything from Wizard in years. I also checked with other fans on the unofficial WWC Facebook page and confirmed that, yes, our slap-happy mugs popped up in their inbox as well. Sadly the pic doesn’t include our names, nor do they raise awareness for MCC by linking to that previously posted copy shown above. But still — we’re in a thing that thousands of people got to see! That seems cool, regardless of whether or not more than ten recipients worldwide know our faces at all.

What adds another layer of amusement for us is that ever since WWC 2016, John Barrowman has somehow become a recurring Easter egg in our convention experience. A month later at Cincinnati Comic Expo we spotted him a couple tables down having a blast as usual. Last May at Motor City Comic Con he crossed our paths no less than three random times throughout the day, none of them at his own booth. We missed him in person at WWC 2017, so we thought perhaps the running gag was over.

But no, here we and Mr. Barrowman are again, if only in a flashback granted a wider audience than it’s ever had before. Wizard World just keeps on giving and giving to us this weekend. We may actually have to take them up on that offer of a free pass for another show.

In the meantime: new WWC pics coming soon!

I’m so old, I remember when the Tick wasn’t an Amazon Prime superstar, and creator Ben Edlund was still writing and drawing his adventures.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time once more! This weekend my wife and I made another journey up to Wizard World Chicago in scenic Rosemont, IL, where we found much enjoyment and new purchases alongside peers and aficionados of comics and genre entertainment. Friday night left us near death by the end of our day, after a few miles’ worth of walking up and down the aisles and hallways, with breaks to go stand in lines of varying lengths and value. We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do.

…and what we nearly always do is lead off a new convention miniseries with the mandatory cosplay galleries. We captured whoever we could while wandering the show floor Friday and Saturday in between the long lines and longer waits. (For a few reasons we skipped Sunday this year.) I have no idea how many chapters this particular experience will run, but the first three will represent a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the costumes that were in the house. Because I always feel the need to divide cosplayers into arbitrary categories, our first set spotlights the stars of screen and page from the world of Marvel, DC Comics, and other publishers out there, as well as from their movie and TV adaptations. Gentle reminder: there are more than two comics publishers out there. Enjoy!

This Joker with a pitch-perfect Mark Hamill voice kept us company when security wouldn’t let anyone pass through the Skybridge before 10:30 a.m. on Friday.

Groot police lineup.

If you thought Thawne, Zoom, or Savitar were creepy speedsters, wait’ll you get a load of this Flash.

Differently creepy but also accurate: Joker from Batman: The Killing Joke.

Jessica Jones and her spunky sidekick Daredevil.

Spawn , for the remaining Todd McFarlane fans out there.

Raven from the Teen Titans.

Doctor Octopus and Bane lead a support group for popular comics villains who’ve only appeared in one movie sequel each.

Lady Deadpool! Somehow, incredibly, the only Deadpool variant we got all weekend.

Batman Beyond, preparing to soar through the Stephens Center lobby. Good luck with that.

According to our limited anecdotal statistics, this year female Negans outnumbered male Negans 2-to-1.

The all-new all-different Vulture from Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Revolutionary War Captain America, guaranteed 100% Nazi-free.

Drax + Mantis! Fun story: we didn’t realized till we got closer that they were familiar folks. Anne first met them in Burt Reynolds’ photo-op line at WWC 2015, where they hung out together and had a blast. And they get jazz hands. Awesome folks, awesome costumes.

To be continued! Other chapters in this special miniseries:

Prologue: Two Notes from Wizard World Chicago 2017

Part 2: Animation Cosplay!

Part 3: Last Call for Cosplay

Part 4: Objects of Affection

Part 5: Who We Met and What We Did

[Edited 9/1/17 to fix one caption error resulting from apparent brain cell loss.]

I understand Disney’s live-action Beauty & the Beast is 2017’s highest-grossing film in America. On a related note, here’s Belle and Prince Adam, waiting for you to tell your 70,000 closest friends to come here and see this photo, please and thank you.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time once more! This weekend my wife and I made another journey up to Wizard World Chicago in scenic Rosemont, IL, where we found much enjoyment and new purchases alongside peers and aficionados of comics and genre entertainment. Friday night left us near death by the end of our day, after a few miles’ worth of walking up and down the aisles and hallways, with breaks to go stand in lines of varying lengths and value. We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do.

…and naturally cosplay photos are all part of the service, otherwise why bother conventioning. Last time we showed you some costumes, and now please enjoy more from myriad animated realms.

Moana from Disney’s Moana starring Moana as Moana.

Her demigod sidekick Maui, who had a heck of a time with this hook while waiting in Billy Boyd’s photo op line.

Sheriff Woody and Little Bo Peep, on a rare furlough from Andy’s room.

Ruby Rose from the Rooster Teeth series RWBY. When I first spotted the scythe, I ignorantly yelled “Soul Eater!” and now I can never go back to Rosemont.

Gumby and Pokey, possibly the only Claymation characters around.

On Friday a group of Simpsons cosplayers ruled the main lobby for a while. Old fans will remember Marge’s sister Patty and the Crazy Cat Lady.

The Devil Flanders from “Treehouse of Horror IV”.

Homer’s forbidden donut, from the same episode. Meanwhile in the background, Mayor Quimby bides his time.

Marge in her Chanel suit from the episode “Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield” and — from my second favorite Simpsons episode of all time — Hank Scorpio, Homer’s one-time boss and global terrorist.

The family that cosplays together: the cast of Avatar: The Last Airbender, give or take one.

Bazooka from GI Joe. I like to think if he’d made the transition from Hasbro cartoons to live-action, maybe those two movies would have sucked just a little less.

I have no idea if Thrawn is still Grand Admiral in Star Wars Rebels or if he’s still working his way up to the rank he held in Timothy Zahn’s novels.

Man-at-Arms from the beloved toy ad He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, with special off-topic guest Wild West Batman.

Thought you could escape politics at a comic con? Crysta and Batty from FernGully: The Last Rainforest would like to talk to you about the environment.

To be continued! Other chapters in this special miniseries:

Prologue: Two Notes from Wizard World Chicago 2017
Part 1: Comics Cosplay!
Part 3: Last Call for Cosplay
Part 4: Objects of Affection
Part 5: Who We Met and What We Did

The mysterious Hands of Blue from Firefly, on the hunt for WWC guests River Tam and River Song. Their next target after that: possibly Melissa Rivers.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time once more! This weekend my wife and I made another journey up to Wizard World Chicago in scenic Rosemont, IL, where we found much enjoyment and new purchases alongside peers and aficionados of comics and genre entertainment. Friday night left us near death by the end of our day, after a few miles’ worth of walking up and down the aisles and hallways, with breaks to go stand in lines of varying lengths and value. We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do.

…I know, I know, less typing, more costume photo galleries. While you enjoy I’ll just be sitting over here in a musty corner, waiting to get back to writing paragraphs at some point. ‘sokay, I ain’t jealous.

So: cosplay! From gaming, movies, TV, and cereal!

Princess Daphne swoons for her hero Dirk the Daring from Dragon’s Lair.

Luigi, Waluigi, Mario, Princess Peach, and Bowser from the Donkey Kong Gaming Universe.

The Luigi and Bowser of Earth-2.

Possibly from both earths, a Bob-Omb and a Super Mario gold coin brick.

Auron from Final Fantasy X. I’m annoyed that I overlooked Lightning from FFIII.

Subject Delta from Bioshock 2.

An Umbrella Corporation soldier from the Resident Evil series, standing watch in the lobby. I could easily imagine Wizard World outsourcing their security to them.

It never fails: every con, I take at least one pic of a character I think I recognize but I don’t. Hey, did any bosses out there lose a henchman?

Frank from Donnie Darko.

Predator awaiting prey by the Wizard World souvenir store.

Pennywise, soon to star in a major motion picture suffering from Tim Curry deficiency.

Full disclosure: I feel a little less old whenever I tell people the Blues Brothers were before my time. I’ve never seen the movie, and my first Saturday Night Live episode as a kid aired during the golden age of Eddie Murphy.

Griff Tannen, future idiot son of Biff from Back to the Future Part II. I am eternally relieved none of his alt-timeline fashion trends came to pass.

Possibly Darth Revan. possibly an original Sith Lord or possibly a video game Darth. My wife knows the old Star Wars Expanded Universe novels, but never got into the games.

Lucky the Leprechaun, worried the kids are after his Lucky Charms because they’re slightly more edible than the Convention Center chow.

The Headless Horseman minus horse, which makes him the Headless Walker. Or the Headless Stroller. The Headless Traipser. Whatever.

The Twelfth Doctor steers clear of the Weeping Angel’s line of sight.

Also from the world of Doctor Who: Missy! One of the best parts of the Peter Capaldi era.

“Why, I do daresay I am rather quite Mary Poppins, you all!” (Bert the chimney sweep merely nods and smiles. Good plan, Bert.)

Glinda the Good Witch reminds you that you had the cosplay power in you all along! My work here is done!

McCree, different McCree, Symmetra, Torbjorn, Widowmaker, and D.Va from Overwatch capture that common, awkward convention moment when a cosplay group has been posing for ten minutes straight and don’t know if they’re free to go or if twelve more photographers are running up behind them.

Bellatrix LeStrange and Lucius Malfoy welcome their newest Death Eater, Professor Trelawney. Frankly, they’re desperate and taking anybody who’s too distracted to say no.

…and that’s very nearly it for our 2017 costume photos. Cosplay also factored into one of the panels we attended, but we’ll come back to that. We might’ve had dozens more than these if the autograph and photo-op lines hadn’t kept us trapped away from the action a bit longer than we’d expected, or if we were younger and faster, or if we recognized more anime characters anymore. The older we get, the fewer faces and costumes we’re recognizing, which dampens our graying enthusiasm. I hate hate hate posting unlabeled photos. I enjoy learning about new universes, but the crowded show floor isn’t always the best classroom for that. Regardless, we like to praise and share what we can.

To be continued! Other chapters in this special miniseries:

Prologue: Two Notes from Wizard World Chicago 2017
Part 1: Comics Cosplay!
Part 2: Animation Cosplay!
Part 4: Objects of Affection
Part 5: Who We Met and What We Did

We don’t watch Game of Thrones, but I trust Anne has nailed the intended mood.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time once more! This weekend my wife and I made another journey up to Wizard World Chicago in scenic Rosemont, IL, where we found much enjoyment and new purchases alongside peers and aficionados of comics and genre entertainment. Friday night left us near death by the end of our day, after a few miles’ worth of walking up and down the aisles and hallways, with breaks to go stand in lines of varying lengths and value. We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do.

In this penultimate gallery: a look at some of the nifty items around the show floor, whether for sale or for posing with. The merchandise! The snacks! The movie vehicle replicas! The Iron Throne!

Once again the Hulk statue is your greeter as you enter the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center and the wild world of geek wonder.

One thing we noticed as we walked Halls A and F this year: conventions really aren’t just for middle-aged dudes flipping through dusty back-issue boxes to complete their Green Lantern runs anymore. Clothing, headgear, jewelry, makeup, and other accessories figured into dozens of booths across WWC, giving several aisles the vibe of a chic collective of pop-up boutiques. Magazines and prints with nekkid wimmens still peeked through here and there alongside the CGC-graded rare comics, but the geek spectrum today is wider than ever, and retailers and innovators have reconfigured or risen anew to cater to all the shopping preferences beyond the original definition of “comic con”. While fans keep debating the merit of letting Hollywood actors invade the traditional comic collectors’ turf, many exhibitors have rolled with the changes and reaped the rewards.

Dress how you think the Sorting Hat would see you, or make up your own British fantasy boarding school and design your own unique clique color scheme!

Usually cons are where I stock up on new shirts, but when third-string Ghost Rider loser villains like the Orb are getting plum licensing deals, I gotta wonder if maybe it’s time to take a break from T-shirt shopping for a while.

Attendees who bought VIP badges tied to one of the show’s five Doctor Who-related guests was entitled to a tote bag overstuffed with Who merchandise. If that wasn’t enough for you, the folks at Wibblywobblytimeywimey brought even more options.

Wibblywobblytimeywimey were also among several proprietors who festooned the festivities with props, mannequins, backdrops, and other photo-op materials to lift your spirits and brighten your selfies.

Anne enjoys tea time with inanimate Madame Vastra and Strax.

A convention exclusive: a TARDIS that’s flatter on the inside.

In case you’re a dude in a mood to brood with an Ood.

Not to be outdone, of course the 501st Legion, that stalwart Star Wars fan community supreme, brought sci-fi ambiance in their own fashion.

It’s the all-new collector-classic Anne action figure! In the proud tradition of 1980s girl figures, she’s equipped with zero points of articulation!

Everyone talks about how murderous the Death Star is, but no one talks about how its hallways make great jogging tracks for upping your daily Fitbit totals. The Empire needs heart-healthy soldiers too!

Our new favorite development in con sales: food vendors! With very few exceptions, the convention centers in every major city feature the kind of concessions engineered to invoke childhood nostalgia for school cafeteria cuisine, by which I mean their fare is largely awful and tastes like detention. Thankfully for us and for the grateful fandom at large, clever chefs are turning their talents toward our fields of interests and catering to our caloric needs. Their products largely aren’t any healthier, but you gotta have some kind of fuel to keep walking those miles of aisles for three days straight. Two particular oases of awesomeness were Best in Show on our scorecards.

We’ve raved before about the iced sugar cookies from Chicago’s own Max & Benny’s. This year’s assortment brought new, show-specific designs including the Tenth Doctor, Captain Jack Harkness, and Lloyd Dobler and his boombox.

Anne and I respectively bought Cap and Hydra cookies, because we just had to taste both sides. Turns out they’re identical on the inside. That’s, like, deep.

New to the show this year was Crumby Art Bakehouse and Cakery from Elm Grove, WI, who specialize in candies and cupcakes.

Our haul included chocolate frogs, edible Infinity Stones, and chocolate-covered Oreos topped with Hello Kitty and Han Solo in carbonite.

A better view of my carbonite cookie.

This year’s geek car show was up in Hall G on the second floor, sequestered from the main exhibit areas. Many fans had no idea they were up there till after WWC was over. Plenty of elbow room but not many paying customers, which is a shame. Some of my favorite WWC moments happened up there.

The best new diorama was the Byers living room from Stranger Things, where you could pretend to wield Joyce’s trusty ax against invaders from the Upside Down, or possibly Amway salesmen.

Or you can borrow Joyce’s Christmas lights and see if you can get through to poor missing Will. Trying to communicate through jazz hands yielded mixed results.

Young-adult me would be so jealous if he knew one day I’d get to sit in a spot-on recreation of Wayne Campbell’s AMC Pacer from Wayne’s World, the greatest Saturday Night Live film of all time.

Extra features include the ceiling licorice dispenser and the “NO STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN” sign from the music store.

In the trunk was a bevy of Wayne’s World souvenirs. I owned three of these keepsakes.

Meanwhile next door, Anne pretended to test-drive the Weasley family’s Flying Ford Anglia from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

Fun li’l Easter egg on the Anglia’s dashboard if you know what you’re looking for.

(Big thanks to the folks at Magic in Gear for providing those two automobiles, and for being among the precious few vendors whose VIP discounts were remotely appealing to us.)

Not to be outdone by small businesses, New Line Cinema trotted in an entire school bus equipped with some kind of “VR experience” inside to promote their upcoming reboot of Stephen King’s It. It was kicked out Friday due to fluid leakage but returned Saturday in better condition.

…and those were just some of the better things to stick out among the things. We haven’t even gotten to the people yet, the reasons we were there. Some of them were keen, too.

To be concluded! Other chapters in this special miniseries:

Prologue: Two Notes from Wizard World Chicago 2017
Part 1: Comics Cosplay!
Part 2: Animation Cosplay!
Part 3: Last Call for Cosplay
Part 5: Who We Met and What We Did

I’d totally watch the show if there’s ever an episode where Peter Dinklage does exactly this.

Ain’t no party like a Pippin party ’cause a peppy perky poppin’ Pippin party got pizzazz!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time once more! This weekend my wife and I made another journey up to Wizard World Chicago in scenic Rosemont, IL, where we found much enjoyment and new purchases alongside peers and aficionados of comics and genre entertainment. Friday night left us near death by the end of our day, after a few miles’ worth of walking up and down the aisles and hallways, with breaks to go stand in lines of varying lengths and value. We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do.

Our ninth visit to the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center of course had its share of ups and downs. Some letdowns were beyond our control. Some stresses could have been avoided. Some volunteers could’ve used actual training. But for our entertainment tastes, temperaments, and frequently adjusted expectations, this year’s WWC was an overall success. It helps that we’re Doctor Who fans. If there’s anything we’ve learned from the Doctor, it’s that weird twists are all part of the game, and sometimes you just have to resign yourself to a lot of running.

Usually for WWC we arrive midday Friday, get a lousy parking space, and walk inside after thousands of fans are already cluttering up the place and taking up all the elbow room. Thanks to a combination of more convenient dogsitting arrangements and taking I-294 around downtown Chicago instead of the dreadful I-90 through its perpetually gridlocked heart, for the first time in years we arrived on Friday morning well before the show opened. At 10:10 a.m., with a noon showtime ahead, we learned we couldn’t just walk in anytime on Fridays as we’re used to doing on Saturdays. Security stopped us short at the end of the Skybridge, along with a few hardy cosplayers and a dozen or so retailers, only a few of whom had read their packets all the way through and caught the paragraph about doors opening at 10:30.

The security personnel weren’t even entirely clear on this point. Six of us had gotten through the metal detectors and wands, and were a good 100 feet beyond when a supervisor came at us from the other direction and told us no one was allowed in yet. We all retreated to the unhappy side of the checkpoint and grumbled for a full twenty minutes.

At 10:30 we were ushered through again and sent on our way…only to be stopped a few minutes later at the top of the main escalator that would lead us to the show floor and to registration. Vendors were allowed through at 10:30; fans were not. The official site confirmed we could go in at 11. We resigned ourselves to more waiting. Anne passed the time by striking up conversation with a young lady who resembled someone we kindasorta know online named Holly. She confirmed Anne was mistaken, and so we buried our heads in our bags and couldn’t look anyone in the eye for the next half-hour.

Panic set in when one hall monitor somehow got the impression that none of us would be allowed downstairs till the show began at noon. We considered rioting, but a few minutes after 11 her instructions got sorted out and she let us pass. From there we picked up our badges and the overstuffed tote bag of Doctor Who freebies that came with Anne’s VIP admission. Thankfully some brilliant tactician had invented a bag/coat-check section where we could drop off the Who hoard handbag and lighten our burden for the next several hours.

grieved the news that David Tennant had canceled due to grave circumstances. Another line later, we were all herded inside promptly at noon and…proceeded to yet another line. Sometimes in these con write-ups the frequent mentions of roving from line to line to line to line can get repetitive to type, but — like surprise celebrity cancellations — lines are part of the game.

A handful of actors were scheduled to sign on Friday (a bit uncommon, as most wait for Saturday and Sunday) and to begin at 12:15, including one of the four actors with Doctor Who on their resumé. Catherine Tate was Tennant’s companion Donna Noble in season 4, but some Americans who hung on through all nine seasons of our version of The Office may remember her as Nellie from the series’ post-Steve Carell era. Those were two largely awful post-shark-jump seasons that I refuse to buy on DVD and complete the set, but Anne and I grew used to her by the end, and thought even more highly of her when we subsequently hopped about the Who train.

We were eager to meet Tate, but nearly all celebs were absent from the show floor for the first hour. Wizard had switched their autograph/photo-op ticketing method to a new system entirely dependent upon Wi-Fi. This move was utterly hilarious to anyone who’s ever actually tried to use a phone or laptop in the Stephens Center. Communications are easier via paper airplane than by the hamster-wheel tech that passes for Wi-Fi. The way we heard it — and witnessed supporting evidence thereof over the next 36 hours — they had trouble getting their new system up and running Friday, and consequently told the actors to stay off the show floor till the issues could be resolved. That was the scuttlebutt after the fact, anyway. While we were in line at the time, a volunteer told us (or was told to tell us) that all the actors would be arriving together, hence the collective delay while they all coordinated. Amusingly, this gave us time to realize that the aforementioned Holly was several fans behind us in line. Small world!

Tate arrived at 1:15, greeted the crowd with gusto…and was asked to wait several more minutes till her ticket-taker’s handheld gadget would cooperate. Breezy small talk ensued.

By all means, gentlemen, let’s just totally keep the lady waiting.

Tate was rather a charmer, and one of those more outgoing actors who like to stand in front of the autograph table at shows rather than behind it. (See also: John Barrowman, Khary Payton. I noticed Stranger Things‘ Caleb McLaughlin following their examples on Saturday.) We were second in line and happy to be there and released early. Other lines around us appeared to follow suit.

Next down the line: Loren Lester, best known to my crowd as the voice of Robin from Batman: The Animated Series. I previously met Kevin Conroy (also a guest this year) at WWC 2014, so it only made sense to complete the Dynamic Duo set. We waited mere seconds before the other fan in line was finished. Lester was incredulous at the notion of teenagers watching the series back in the day, but I figured this wasn’t a good time for a ten-page dissertation on how B:tAS appealed to multiple fandom levels at the time. I gather he doesn’t do many of these shows.

I brought a DVD I’d previously had signed at the 2012 Superman Celebration by John Glover, who voiced the Riddler. He and his booth staff seemed in awe. It’s always cool seeing actors be fans of other actors.

Next after that: Charisma Carpenter, a must-meet for my ongoing Buffy/Angel collection. I’m one of those rare weirdos who preferred Angel to Buffy, partly because it was interesting seeing Cordelia come into her own as a leading character, moving well beyond the original Veronica Lodge trappings. A dozen or so folks were in front of us, making hers our longest autograph line of the day. Friday really wasn’t busy for the non-Who guests.

Carpenter insisted on taking all her own selfies, and may truly be the most skillful photographer ever to use my phone.

While we were in her line, TV’s Lou Ferrigno walked up, said hi, hugged her, and kind of fondled her hair in a weird way before moving on. Anne briefly entertained the idea of taking a photo of him just to test the long-standing rumors about how enraged he gets when people take free photos of him. Then she remembered she and I are both fragile, and put her camera away.

One last actor before we moved on from the autograph arena: Loni Anderson! WKRP in Cincinnati was a bit before our time, but Anne loves classic TV and fondly remembers an obscure one-season wonder called Partners in Crime in which she and Lynda Carter (!!!) found themselves ex-wives of the same bigamist and decided to run a detective agency together. Tennant’s cancellation had restored a chunk back to our budget, and her line was just as long as Loren Lester’s, so we figured why not.

Ms. Anderson was impressed that Anne still remembers the Partners in Crime opening narration. Old TV trivia is indeed among her superpowers.

Quick intermission for the annual noticing of Ferrigno’s booth, source of many cautionary tales over the years.

We’ve talked with a few fans who had pleasant encounters with him. They’re outnumbered.

That was enough autographs for the day. We moved onward for Hall F and stopped for bathroom breaks. When I came out, I found Anne had made a new friend.

Yep, that’s who you think it is: Kato Kaelin, unwitting costar of the OJ Simpson story. Wizard World brought him in as emcee for this year’s festivities — introducing musical acts at the lobby stage, engaging the crowd, raising the noise level, that sort of thing. He was nice to her and a bit kidding, basically harmless and ready for game-show hosting.

At long last, a “celebrity” recognizable by our family on Facebook.

Monday morning we saw comments from other fans whose treatment at his mic was a bit less ingratiating, and who were none too impressed later in the weekend when he invited ladies onstage for bouts of twerking. Not sorry we missed that.

At 1:45 we attended a panel about the history of Wonder Woman and the Justice League, a smart idea in this, the year of the amazing colossal Wonder Woman movie. Seated left to right: Danny Fingeroth, a former Marvel editor and frequent WW panel moderator; Maggie Thompson, longtime editor of Comics Buyer’s Guide; geek psychologist Dr. Travis Langley, whom we met last year; and comics writer Alex DeCampi, who had a WW story received much acclaim two years ago for DC’s Sensation Comics, excerpts from which were part of the slideshow. The comics history were a bit dry since I knew a good 85% of that part, but I liked the idea of sharing a room with some of the most interesting names on the comics guest list.

At far right is Kid DeCampi, watching a movie and occasionally interrupted with infectious laughter while Mom tried to cover topics less clichéd than What It’s Like Being A Woman in Super-Heroing.

Discussion topics included the drawbacks of criticisms drawn from small sampling sizes; the woeful inadequacy of comic shop owners and comics companies who fail to capitalize on major movie releases; and that time Maggie Thompson was one of precisely four (4) whole women to attend the first New York City comic convention. For trivia buffs looking to add to their repertoire, the other three were Marvel traffic manager Flo Steinberg; SF author Lee Hoffman; and Pat Lupoff, wife of SF author/fan Dick Lupoff.

From the panel rooms we made a beeline straight to Artists Alley, which was regrettably smaller than ever. This year saw fewer self-published novelists and more handicraft, a dearth of enticing comics and a surplus of prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, more prints, then prints next to prints on the other side of prints and across from prints bookended by prints plus prints of prints about prints. The proliferation of artists selling prints and nothing but prints is presumably a financial boon for the con and the fandoms at large, but generally I don’t buy prints. Like, at all. Virtually never nowadays. We don’t have the wall space to showcase them, and the ones I’ve accumulated from previous years are stacked up and ignored like an Uno discard pile.

On both Friday and Saturday (because I had always have to walk through one more time just to be sure) the following Artists Alley inhabitants were a pleasure to meet and buy from, where applicable:

* The aforementioned Alex DeCampi, whose most recent work of renown was Archie vs. Predator, the crossover that could not possibly exist and yet does. I’ve also been a fan of her Image series No Mercy about a high school field trip to Mexico that turns into disaster. Her crowdfunding campaign for the hardcover double feature Smoke/Ashes was among the last Kickstarters I pledged to before my moratorium. It weighs roughly two hundred pounds and was a bit crippling to carry around the show floor all day, but I considered it worth the fuss.

* Joe Harris! In addition to writing an X-Files series for IDW, his past creator-owned works include the eco-political Great Pacific, the post-apocalyptic Snowfall, the Russian thriller Ghost Projekt, and my personal favorite, Spontaneous. In talking with him, I learned as kids we may both actually have watched the same episode of That’s Incredible! that did a spooky segment on the phenomenon of spontaneous human combustion. Generation X represent!

* Dean Haspiel! I previously met one of my favorite contributors to Harvey Pekar’s American Splendor at WWC 2015, but he had new books for sale I hadn’t seen yet — the 2016 graphic novel Beef with Tomato and the experimental Because of You, a tag-team one-shot with Josh Neufeld.

* Writers Russell Lissau (The Batman Strikes) and Trevor Mueller (Reading with Pictures, Albert the Alien), who we’ve seen at so many previous shows that they’re among those treasured few Artists Alley regulars who recognize us on sight. We’re not used to that happening, so it’s weird but really cool. Lissau continues producing new stories for Omega Comics via comiXology, and Mueller has the third Albert the Alien volume coming very soon.

Special shout-out to two purveyors of fan-made merchandise based on one of our favorite 21st-century shows, Parks & Recreation: Hand Painted Nerd (one of whose reps was stalled with us at the morning security checkpoint) and Drew Blank, whose distinctive van we previously met at C2E2 in McCormick Place’s Lot B.

One of several Blank art objects. Left to right: Henry Winkler, Ben Schwartz, and Zootopia costar Jenny Slate.

Lunch at 3 p.m. was a pair of lukewarm sausage pizzas. Chicago, home of Chicago pizza, should have laws against such effronteries to their good culinary name.

Immediately after choking those down, we had one last appointment: a photo op with Catherine Tate. The Friday lines weren’t bad and were managed as they should’ve been, so that was nice while they lasted.

Once more, with feeling!

Final stop of the day: the faraway second floor, where all the fun geek vehicles were on display. We heard from numerous fans who never had time to get up there, and/or who had no idea WWC was using the second floor, much to the detriment of exhibitors squirreled up there far away from the main thoroughfare and from everyone’s money. Having wrapped up that section, we called it a day and were halfway to the Skybridge when I remembered Anne’s Doctor Who crap was still at the bag-check station on the first floor. One about-face and one pickup later, we were on our way. The ladies running the bag-check were most gracious and appreciated, though I thought it was odd how many fans had all bought and checked the same 24-inch Hulk Hogan doll. I wouldn’t want to lug that around the halls either.

After dinner down the street at MB Financial Park to take advantage of a 15% VIP discount and to get our parking validated, we retreated to our favorite Rosemont hideaway — the other Hyatt, the one that’s a mile down the road and not connected to the Convention Center. We get invited to exactly zero parties and see no con-related excitement there, but we’re old prudes who don’t drink and that Hyatt’s parking is free, so it’s kindasorta win/win as long as I don’t obsess on the part where sometimes living as an upright outcast isn’t my favorite thing.

* * * * *

Saturday morning we showed up shortly after 7 a.m. because our bodies were still on Indiana time and we ran out of things to do beyond our basic Dunkin Donuts breakfast. Our path once again brought us face-to-face with security. This time instead of the Skybridge we opted for the main entrance outside. As opposed to the singular narrow funnel upstairs, the front doors were divided into four checkpoints in order from least invasive searching to most intense scrutiny: VIP ENTRY; GENERAL ADMISSION WITHOUT BAGS; GENERAL ADMISSION WITH BAGS; and WEAPONS CHECK to help catch any errant homicidal cosplayers, potentially the most criminal lot of all in Wizard World’s eyes. Don’t get me wrong — I appreciate what they’re doing, especially in light of far too many tragedies happening worldwide at ostensibly happy public events, but putting hard brakes on fans armed with even the most garishly unrealistic props seems like overkill.

I mean, I guess it’s safe to assume the terrorists would never shell out $500 for a David Tennant Gold VIP badge. In that way they’re just like us.

We were admitted shortly after 8 a.m., progressed to the next line, waited some more, were escorted once more into the fray at 9:30…and realized we had no major appointments up front. Plan A had been “run like mad to Tennant’s early photo-op line”, but without him around our schedule was much more open. So we did what few fans do with early admission: we wandered around the dealers and got to see which ones were on time and which ones had slept in with hangovers.

Our first real appointment bore the fruit you saw in our lead picture: a photo op with Billy Boyd, a.k.a. the hobbit Peregrin “Pippin” Took from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Nowadays he has his own band called Beecake, who performed a concert the night before at a local venue where several fans were treated to their cover of Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball”.

Boyd’s 10:45 photo op ran a good 20-25 minutes late. I gathered he wasn’t the only one, though at one point I did spot Agents of SHIELD costar Elizabeth Henstridge walking with handlers toward some faraway point, so we know they weren’t hiding all the guests in a back room this time. But as you can tell from the pic, Boyd was in rare form, hyper and game for whatever. Super nice fellow.

From there we walked directly over to his autograph line, where things got a bit awkward. WWC officials had announced in advance that fans in all lines would be grouped together and sent through in the following order:

1st: VIPs for that particular star
2nd: any other VIPs
3rd: general admission fans

With Catherine Tate’s line the day before, the volunteers had smartly kept each of the three groups separate in their own taped-off squares. With Boyd, an underage lad had simply let everyone line up as one, but tried keeping the groups in order. Since the line wasn’t magically getting bigger on the inside, that meant everyone had to kept squeezing together as more VIPs were squished into the one line at the end of their particular section. Considering most of Boyd’s own VIPs were in his photo-op line and largely planning to head straight for autographs same as we did…this line plan was poorly executed. Elbow room was the first to be lost, soon followed by any and all personal space. We spent an extremely cozy time gabbing with a lady who works for Chicago TARDIS, the premier Doctor Who convention in the area. It’s often fun to get to know other fans, albeit occasionally awkward, but it’s even more awkward when everyone has to keep their arms pinned to their sides lest we all accidentally keep unwittingly slapping or harassing each other.

Eventually Boyd switched from posing to signing…only to be delayed still more minutes while the volunteers once again struggled to wrangle the Wi-Fi ticketing system into usable form. To pass the time until he was officially allowed to take our money, Boyd took one of his autograph pens and engaged the first fan in line at a game of tic-tac-toe, followed by several games of Dots and Boxes.

We tried sharing these photos in a few places in hopes of getting copies to her, but so far haven’t had any luck.

I have no idea if writing on the tables was allowed, but who cares. This man was PIPPIN, the George Harrison of the world-famous hobbit quartet. Don’t bring him in and tell him not to do what he does best.

From there we briefly joined the ridiculous lines at the autograph/photo-op pre-sales booth because we had a question about a thing. In another small-world moment, behind us was Not-Holly, our accidental new acquaintance from the day before. We weren’t there long because a volunteer, graciously trying to shorten the lines by any means necessary, wandered past and answered our easy question for us. The day was saved!

Much wandering and attempted shopping ensued until our next optional engagement, a 12:45 panel called “J. Jonah Jameson vs. the Audience”. The lone star, a cosplayer venturing under the name Captain K, showed up as the titular newsman and invited the audience to debate him on the complete lack of merits in that accursed wall-crawling Spider-Man.

He had the look, he had the voice, he had the his improv material prepared.

This is not normally our kind of panel, but the guy was an absolute hoot, and I’m not just saying that because the room was a good place to charge our phones. He ranted enjoyably and in a pretty accurate JJJ voice about the sinister threats of guys who prance around in anonymous masks and about how “With great power comes great accountability!”

JJJ tried fitting in with the con crowd at first (“Let’s get the nerd talk out of the way. Star Wars vs Star Trek? Star Wars! Because it shows that people who wear masks are villains!”) before the raging and the back-and-forth began in earnest. He affirmed his approval for internet journalists (“what I like about it best is you can’t get paid”). One lone youngster in the front kept siding with his vehement anti-Spidey stance, possibly because he wants to intern for free at his fake Daily Bugle someday or whatever.

Meanwhile in the back, one defender of justice wasn’t having it. The Tick, proud super-hero without a mask in the old TV version, brought his own spirited retorts in defense of all heroes, not just the maskless ones like himself. Perfect Patrick Warburton voice and all, the Tick and JJJ were perfectly matched opponents.

When the odd contrarian kid chimed again, the Tick shouted him down 100% in the character’s pompous cadence: “HOW DARE YOU, NERD IN THE FRONT ROW.”

Jameson was so proud of a job well done, he even offered to pose with a few aberrant Spider-Men after the panel. All the better to get them on film as evidence for the police, probably.

Remember that time when I said, “that’s very nearly it for our 2017 costume photos”? Here’s me making good on that adverbial foreshadowing.

Lunch after that was from the one of two specialty stands offering walking tacos (I had mine with pulled pork) and baked potatoes (Anne had one topped with taco beef). Possibly the least worst food on the premises. We took our nominal sustenance to the “VIP Lounge”, a cordoned area offering the perks of separate tables, a phone charging station, a cash bar we didn’t care about, and — best of all — a thickly carpeted floor. Old feet appreciate easily overlooked benefits like that.

We had more time for walking and walking and walking and more walking before our last appointment. Outside Artists Alley, my money didn’t change hands with too many salespeople. To that extent maybe I’m what’s wrong with today’s comic conventions, but here we are. I’ve largely lost my will to flip through back-issue bins, my reading pile is already beyond enormous from the busy con life we keep indulging throughout 2017, and Anne and I are agreed that we absolutely, positively do not want to decorate our entire house in geek furnishings or accessories from roof to floor. Sorry, con. We did browse, at least.

Meanwhile out of our line of sight, we understand the entire celebrity area had turned into a madhouse. Numerous volunteers unaware of the VIP “SpeedPass” triage system were failing at sorting and kept sticking fans into lines willy-nilly, effectively giving advantages to general-admission attendees that VIPs had paid for, while they fumed and fussed to no avail and with no accessible authority figures to field their complaints. Meanwhile, the lateness of Boyd’s op and others’ had created a domino effect that saw all subsequent ops running behind throughout the day, which in turn affected autographing times and leaving lots of aimless fans scattered around Hall A in disarray and disgust. When we ambled over at 4:00, we had to get in line behind a couple hundred other fans waiting to get into their photo-op line(s), while still more fans waited off to one side in clusters that may or may not have had any objectives in common. Also, instead of limiting the number of fans who showed up for each photo-op appointment, everyone was allowed in Saturday if they so desired, so everyone did try all at once instead of waiting for a Sunday appointment, which exacerbated the fiasco. Maybe all of this made sense in someone’s head in A Beautiful Mind sort of way, but the place looked wrecked.

After our line led to the next line (late), we had plenty of time for gandering at other booths around us, including the healthy turnout for Paul Bettany. You might remember him from such films as Avengers: Age of Ultron, The Da Vinci Code, that Unabomber miniseries that recently aired, or A Beautiful Mind. I pride myself as one of seven Americans nationwide who paid to see him reteam with Russell Crowe in Master and Commander, but his Tennant-level prices weren’t for us.

On the upside, he’s approximately eight feet tall and really sticks out from a crowd.

Several lifetimes later, our final line of the day reached its end goal: one last photo op with Alex Kingston. She’s best known today as recurring associate River Song from Doctor Who, but I’m old enough to recall when she joined the cast of NBC’s ER during the end of the George Clooney heyday. I suspect River Song’s Memento-esque reverse-arc has reached its concluding beginning, so I’m sorry we’ve seen the first of her and therefore won’t see her again in any earlier debut. (Look, it makes sense in context.)

We saw complaints elsewhere about photographers with composition issues, but we dig the bizarre ramping effect here.

By the time we were done with Ms. Kingston, we were done with Wizard World Chicago 2017. We were exhausted. We were weighed down with more pleasing Artists Alley purchases. We’d completed our complete actor checklist, apart from one “maybe” on my list that we weren’t sure would get jazz hands. We also couldn’t attend Sunday due to family obligations.

Admittedly we missed out on some incidents around the show floor. The aforementioned Kato Kaelin issues. The controversy of the faux-topless Pyramid Head cosplayer. The alleged pervert who was called out, tracked down, and arrested outside the convention center after allegedly trying to take upskirt photos and after allegedly assaulting at least one attendee who called him on it. Also, we missed out on thousands of super awesome cosplayers who aren’t included in our first three chapters but who thankfully popped up in other galleries online.

The exhausted march back to the parking garage felt five times longer. But from where we stood and limped, we were satisfied with our two-day extravaganza.

For some reason an active R2-D2 was greeting folks at the garage on their way out. Nice of him.

Those approved shopping results, not including autographed materials or that metric ton of Doctor Who freebies.

After dinner down the street at MB Financial Park to take advantage of a 15% VIP discount and to get our parking validated, whereupon a light rain pelted us on the way out, we retreated to the other Hyatt, strangely not as tired as we were the evening before. Sunday morning and one breakfast later, we were homeward bound and hoping one day we’ll set eyes on that elusive David Tennant, perhaps under much more favorable circumstances, with or without freebies.

I-90! through downtown Chicago is 1000 times easier to navigate at 9 a.m. Sunday.

The End. Thanks for reading! Lord willing and guest list pending, we’ll see you next year.

Previous chapters in this special miniseries:

Prologue: Two Notes from Wizard World Chicago 2017
Part 1: Comics Cosplay!
Part 2: Animation Cosplay!
Part 3: Last Call for Cosplay
Part 4: Objects of Affection

“Next time you show your face around me, I want MORE PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN!”

After the destruction of the One Ring, Samwise Gamgee enjoyed an extravagant victory tour and vaudeville revue.

Saturday marked our fourth trip to HorrorHound Indy, an annual Indianapolis convention in honor of the scary, bloody, icky, haunting, stabbing, disturbing, black-garbed aspects of pop culture. The folks at HorrorHound Magazine orchestrate the festivities so loyal fans of the murderous and the macabre can enjoy a themed geek space of their own apart from Star Wars and Star Trek and whatnot. (Well, mostly.) As we’ve gotten older and more puritanical, our touchpoints with horror, terror, and gross-outs have dwindled in number compared to the average attendee, but the intersections between their guest list and our favorite worlds continue to delight and surprise and draw us back into their waiting wings.

Exhibit A: this year’s reunion of three cast members from The Goonies, which they’ve ruled is sufficiently spooky and/or contains enough human skeletons to be on-topic. You might remember Mikey, the asthmatic yet fearless leader who guided our heroes through convoluted clues, deadly booby traps, and the clutches of the wicked Fratelli family to find hidden pirate treasure and give someone in Hollywood the idea to go make National Treasure someday. I saw The Goonies in theaters when I was 13, a year younger than Mikey. Little did I know he would grow up to be Sean Astin — underdog football winner, savior of Middle-Earth, and sidekick to Encino Man. Bonus points to the esteemed Mr. Astin for very nearly guessing my age, and not just because I look it more than ever.

Also in the house: Ke Huy Quan! Best known to our generation as Short Round from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, he later became the Goonies’ gadgetry expert Data as well as the costar of a short-lived sitcom called Together We Stand, later retitled Nothing Is Easy after their dad Elliott Gould died offscreen under circumstances that were never conclusively proven to be not Data’s fault.

He was so surprised we remembered the sitcom that we ended up in a two-minute conversation that segued into an appraisal of Steven Spielberg’s ’80s heyday.

The third cast member had the longest line of any actor in the house today: Corey Feldman, star or costar of eighty-three thousand movies from 1980 to 1989, half of them costarring the late Corey Haim and several of them watchable. Feldman technically double-majored today as part of a reunion of Joel Schumacher’s The Lost Boys that brought in his vampire-hunting partner from the movie, two of the vampires, and two guys with a song apiece on the soundtrack, including the internet-famous Greased-Up Sax Guy.

Feldman was the last to arrive, and his entrance was hard to miss if you were in the same ballroom. He entered wearing sunglasses and a gilded boxing robe, and was escorted by a pair of angel cosplayers who sat next to him while he signed and accompanied him on breaks.

We were tempted to take photos with him, but his line stretched beyond the ballroom, down the hallway, and into the hotel courtyard outside. Lovely weather for it, though.

I’m 90% certain the angel on the left is his wife Courtney. We know nothing about her understudy.

Goonies and Lost Boys weren’t the weekend’s only guest themes. Also on hand were four veterans from the Buffy/Angel universe. I’d already met Clare Kramer (big bad Glory from Buffy season 5, last seen as stage host at C2E2) and Juliet Landau (a.k.a. Drusilla, met at Wizard World Chicago 2012), but two were new to me. First up: Mercedes McNab, a.k.a. Harmony. Once upon a time she was snobby friend to snobby Cordelia, until the season three finale saw her go down as a vampire casualty, only to arise in later seasons as a casual vampire. Her final line at the end of the Angel season 5 premiere “Conviction” remains my all-time favorite Angel moment.

She remembers the scene vividly because Joss Whedon made her say “Blondie bear!” about 200 times before letting her move on with her life.

Down the way was James C. Leary, best known to Buffy fans as Clem, the loose-skinned demon who hung out with Our Heroes in the later seasons till the going got rough. Clem was proof that not all demons were giant-sized Big Bads. Some were just, y’know, dudes who wanted to go their own way and just so happened to be demons.

Appearing in makeup would’ve delayed him several hours, though.

Last actor we met for the day: character actor Clint Howard! You might remember him from any of the hundreds of films he’s done (with or without his big brother Ronny), but Anne zeroed in on his child-actor years, in particular the classic Star Trek episode “The Corbomite Maneuver”. As the alien Balok, he just wanted to find some friends and drink some tranya.

The scuttlebutt is he’ll have a part in the upcoming Han Solo film, so here’s us getting in on the ground floor with him ahead of the paparazzi.

As always, HorrorHound is more than just actors signing, though they had plenty more of those. We didn’t avail ourselves of the eight (!) cast members from Friday The 13th Part 2, but they seemed to share a healthy line of fans waiting to collect the set. If and when you ran out of money for autographs and photo ops, another ballroom featured their usual Mask Fest, a collection of vendors and craftspeople dedicated to the fine art of monstrous disguises.

We didn’t take as many pics in there as usual. Cool stuff. occasionally sickening and therefore right on target.

All told, the show went smoothly despite the dense crowds. The HorrorHound guys have their system down and know how to maximize the available space at that storied Marriott location. Granted, the vendors’ room once again felt filled beyond capacity and threatened to crush us all against each other, but we’re almost used to that by now, setting apart the one major logjam we encountered involving a double-wide stroller. At one point the photo-op printers hit a technical snag that delayed photo processing for several of us, but they were back up and running within five minutes.

Our most annoying part of the day wasn’t HorrorHound’s fault. Restaurants in the area apparently had no idea HorrorHound was this weekend…or if they did, they failed miserably at preparing for it. We thought it would be convenient and luxurious to grab lunch at the Marriott’s own Skyline Bistro, but we waited in line at least twenty minutes for anyone resembling a host to greet any of us, let alone mention when or even if actual seating would be possible. Eventually we gave up and walked across the street to Arby’s, whose workers struggled to keep up with the influx of customers with blood-spattered T-shirts and other forms of baroque outerwear. Our total time from entry to food receipt was slightly under twenty minutes. Arby’s 1, Skylight 0. And I guess I can’t complain about the money we saved.

Because this is a convention experience entry, of course we have costume photos. We did the best we could within our increasingly limited working knowledge of the fans’ favorite splatter-fests. A few familiar faces wormed their way into the cosplay proceedings, some more at-home than others. Enjoy!

This year saw a 200% increase in Pennywise cosplayers and a 17,000% increase in Pennywise merchandise for sale.

The Grady twins from The Shining.

Jigsaw, the creepy puppet from the Saw Infinite Cinematic Universe.

A very different marionette and puppeteer.

Count Orlok from Nosferatu, appropriately silent.

It’s always convenient at a horror con to have a plague doctor in the house.

Beetlejuice and Lydia hanging out with a variation on those Claymation sandworms, complete with retractable head-within-a-head.

John Hammond from the giant monster movie Jurassic Park, which costarred Samuel L. Jackson’s severed arm, qualifies for inclusion here.

Somewhat debatable: the star of the horror film Spider-Man 3. Wait, no, I’m just misspelling “horrible”.

If there’s a fan film out there in which R2-D2 becomes a deranged serial killer, we haven’t seen it.

Realizing we’re on to the little metal poser, Artoo quickly wheels over to the nearest Jason Voorhees and tries to blend in.

Jason actually blending in with a trio of scream queens.

Our largest group shot of the day. Left to right: Leatherface (star of an upcoming prequel), Jason, Jason, Daryl Dixon, Sexy Ghostbuster, Jason, Leatherface, Michael Myers, and Teen Wolf.

We’re used to seeing the 501st Legion and other Star Wars fan groups at cons, but in Cincinnati they really come out in full Force.

It’s convention time yet again! Yes, AGAIN.

Saturday morning my wife Anne and I drove two hours southeast of Indianapolis to attend the eighth annual Cincinnati Comic Expo in the heart of their downtown that’s not so different from ours. The guest list seemed a little thinner, particularly in the comics department, but we had such a great time last year that we agreed an encore was in order.

But first, as usual: cosplay! Presenting a showcase of the costumes we photographed during our hours walking through and around the exhibit hall. We weren’t there all day, and spent much of our time in lines plus one panel, but we managed to capture a selection of folks who caught our eyes during our limited windows of opportunity. Sorry we don’t have dozens more, but…enjoy!

This year’s show featured four actors from the cinematic world of Harry Potter. We consequently saw a 500% increase in wizard robes at CCE over all other cons we’ve attended this year combined, along with other characters familiar to fans of The Boy Who Lived.

Sirius Black, fresh out of Azkaban.

The living painting that guards the entrance to Hogwart’s Gryffindor House, known only as the Fat Lady until and unless JK Rowling is prepared to divulge her backstory at last.

Potterpool! We expected no less.

We also spent a few minutes trying an assortment of angles on that large Star Wars gathering, who changed positions a few times for variety.

Imperial officers move in for their closeup.

Mara Jade and Director Krennic hang out with the Stormtroopers at the other end.

Jawas walking in like they’re the life of the party.

A lone Tusken Raider who strayed from the herd.

And the rest…

HALO-ish soldier exiting the VR machine, or giant video game booth, or working teleporter, or hair dryer for all I know.

Employees from Los Pollos Hermanos on strike until and unless Breaking Bad returns but with less meth and more chicken.

The Thing, checking his phone every five minutes in case Fox calls to tell him they’re greenlighting a sequel. Poor, poor thing.

Thor and Iron Fist, plus a bonus Daredevil I cruelly overlooked at the time. Sorry, hero dude!

One of the 800+ Jurassic World T-Rexes we’ve seen stalking show floors so far this year.

I totally brake for any and all splicers from Bioshock, whether they’re preying on victims as a couple…

…or single-file but doubly armed.

Nooo ooone goofs on Gaston! No one spoofs our Gaston! No one drops mad rhymes that are bombproof like Gaston’s!

To be concluded!

Lesson learned: sometimes we all have to be reminded that we are in fact not Batman.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Saturday morning my wife Anne and I drove two hours southeast of Indianapolis to attend the eighth annual Cincinnati Comic Expo in the heart of their downtown that’s not so different from ours. The guest list seemed a little thinner, particularly in the comics department, but we had such a great time last year that we agreed an encore was in order.

“Boy, you guys sure do a lot of cons!” is a thing we keep hearing lately from family and friends who’ve noticed how our 2017 has been going. The tone and implication vary by speaker.

We keep expecting the Midwest convention boom that ignited for us in 2015 will eventually fizzle out, but it hasn’t happened yet. Anne and I agree and keep telling each other we need to cut back on conventions, if for no other reason than to have more time for all the other aspects and responsibilities in our lives. But the temptation is hard to resist when so many cons keep popping up within a manageable driving distance for us, based on the road-trip skill set we’ve developed over the past nineteen years. It’s harder to resist when showrunners actually invite guests we’re excited to meet. And it’s hardest when we’re talking about shows we’ve done and loved before.

That’s how Cincinnati Comic Expo, having passed all three qualifiers with flying colors, beckoned to us for a second year.

Once more, the gateway to adventure.

The two-hour drive from Indianapolis to Cincinnati is no big deal to us. (Remember, we’re that couple who once drove two hours for one of the worst cons of the year.) This trip was no exception, even allowing for road construction along the way. We arrived in downtown Cinci shortly before 9 a.m. and headed straight for the same parking garage as last time, curiously deserted in the morning. A change in CCE’s layout for security purposes meant we had to walk two extra blocks to the southwest corner of Duke Energy Convention Center instead of to the southeast corner. We used to consider bag searches and metal detectors off-putting, but they’re becoming such a common convention feature in our broken world that we’re now accustomed to them and didn’t let them slow us down. CCE’s team seemed more organized than Wizard World Chicago’s was, I’ll give them that. The multiple Will Call booths had no lines. The general-admission entrance line had only 40-50 fans waiting an hour before showtime. For a moment I was suspicious that things were running too, too well.

A cardboard standee lineup by the exhibit hall entrance was our first opportunity for photo ops. I recognized some of them from last year’s decor. Sometimes traditions are cool.

Promptly at 10 a.m. the fan stampede began and we headed directly for the line of the first of two actors we wanted to meet. My primary objective today: Wallace Shawn! You may remember him as the voice of the cowardly T-Rex from the Toy Story series; as Grand Nagus Zek, head of the Ferengi Alliance, from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine; as a voice for other cartoons and/or flicks with animals in them; and in memorable roles from Clueless, The Haunted Mansion, or his cinematic debut in Woody Allen’s Manhattan. Some among you are thinking at me, “Dude, are you seriously skipping over his greatest credit of all time? The one everyone on the internet totally knows and loves to quote? Really? Do you really not know? That, my friend, is inco-”

NOPE. Let me stop you right there. As soon as we joined the line behind a dozen other folks, the volunteer on duty had to inform us of the One Rule before we approached:

To the potentially thousands of fans who might want to drop in and pay respects to Vizzini from The Princess Bride, I can imagine it might have been a disappointment. Another guy in line asked if he was allowed to ask Mr. Shawn to say a synonym for The Adjective That Must Not Be Named. Anne suggested that perhaps trying to find loopholes in the One Rule might not be in his best interest.

Honestly? To an extent I was relieved. Days before, I had half-joked with Anne that I hoped we wouldn’t arrive to see Shawn slumped at his table, head down, signing furiously and refusing to look up as his fans dutifully marched by in lockstep while he repeated the same two-word greeting/farewell to each and all: “Inconceivable! NEXT. Inconceivable! NEXT. Inconceivable! NEXT. Inconceivable! NEXT. Inconceivable! NEXT. Incon–” and so on. I had no problem with that moratorium because I’d already decided on a different direction.

Fun trivia: acting wasn’t his Plan A. He’s always chiefly considered himself a playwright but found himself flummoxed at how the life of a character actor worked slightly better for paying the bills. Film lovers from a previous generation may recall one of his most acclaimed works, director Louis Malle’s 1981 mininmalist classic My Dinner with Andre. It’s a most peculiar piece in which he and actor/theater director Andre Gregory play fictionalized versions of themselves spending 90+ minutes chatting over dinner. That’s literally the whole movie. The first hour alone is mostly Gregory performing an epic-length monologue while Shawn listens. Like, really listens. Some folks might recall it was paid homage in one episode of Community. If you’ve ever seen an indie film that was all talk talk talk talkity-talk talk, blame the influence of Andre.

Shawn and Gregory collaborated on two more dramatic films, neither of which you’ve seen. 1994’s Vanya on 42nd Street (director Malle’s final film) is staged as a faux-documentary about a cast rehearsal of an Anton Chekhov play, notable in that it was adapted by David Mamet and that 90% of its movie poster is taken up by Julianne Moore’s head. Twenty years later the dialectic duo reunited for their take on Henrik Ibsen’s A Master Builder, for which Shawn wrote the screenplay himself. It was one of director Jonathan Demme’s final films and it made $46,000 at the American box office.

Today he’s beloved for funny business by anyone who instantly recognizes the sound of his voice. Count me among them. But once upon a time, Shawn had dreams of becoming a Serious Playwright. So he was shocked when I brought a copy of the Criterion Collection boxed set containing all three of his films with his good friend Mr. Gregory. We chatted for a few minutes and he didn’t seem to mind my prattling on, even when I drew thematic parallels between Andre‘s engaging debates and the overwrought coffee-shop philosophizing of The Matrix.

I’m kind of glad there weren’t thousands of people waiting behind me to see him while we did this.

From there we headed to the other side of the autograph area for the big name on Anne’s list: Caroline Blakiston! You might vaguely remember her as Mon Mothma, the other woman of authority from the original Star Wars trilogy. Most folks remember her distinctive line about how many Bothans died to bring them this information and so forth, even though we’re never given any reason to care about the Bothans. For all we know the Bothans could’ve been Lawful Evil jerks who only aided the Rebel Alliance because it suited their long-term interests. Maybe they secretly had death camps back on their home planet of Botho and it’s good that some of them were massacred so they could never return home to continue torturing their hidden captives. For all we know, maybe Mon Mothma knew all of this but chose to remain silent because Our Heroes needed victory by any means necessary, and if a little piece of her soul died in the process, it was a small price to pay for the liberation of A Galaxy.

Also, she looks like my aunt Marilyn. That’s not a bad thing.

She also confirmed it’s pronounced “BLAY-ki-ston”. Anyone who pronounces it “BLACK-is-ton” is the enemy and should be put down like a stray Bothan.

Other autograph lines around us varied in length. At one end, the longest line of all waited patiently for Star Trek: Discovery costar Jason Isaacs. (Thankfully we’d gotten ahead of the curve and met him at C2E2.) Meanwhile on the other end, British actress Miriam Margolyes (Professor Sprout from the Harry Potter series), who was ready at her table right at 10 a.m., occasionally yawped like a gung-ho bazaar vendor whenever she had no line. Still another actress, who helped ruin a TV show I used to like, likewise had intermittent periods of boredom between customers. Other actors’ vicissitudes varied here and there, most of them pretty well occupied as morning gave way to afternoon and the population of Cincinnati finally began to flood in and crowd up the joint. By 2 p.m. the narrower aisles were overflowing with bodies and nearly impassable. Everyone just had to be patient and wait a while for the good turnout.

Most of the rest of our day was spent wandering the exhibit hall. Special thanks to the three vendors who successfully took money from me:

* Gem City Books, a dealer that’s have appeared at nearly every show we’ve done this year. I love them not only for their expansive rack of $5 graphic novels, but for the fact that, instead of musty longboxes that take forever to flip through while you’re elbowing everyone around you, Gem City displays their wares on bookshelves that let buyers scan across all the spines and see everything they have at once. I’ve grown to hate longboxes and admire the convenience of shelf-shopping.

* Ryan Ruffatti, creator of Teleport, a comic about a scientist who finds herself driven by personal reasons to perfect the science of teleportation. Very promising, some interesting ideas, can tell there was actual proofreading (after nearly forty years of enjoying my comics hobby, I’ve come to appreciate the forgotten basics), and liked the clean linework from artist Moomie Swan.

* Sassy Pants Sweets & Treats, fellow survivors of this year’s Fandom Fest fiasco. Things didn’t go so well for them in Louisville (so say we all), but they’re bouncing back and recently added cookies and cupcakes to their culinary repertoire, which we approve.

For your snacking consideration.

Speaking of food: CCE remains very nearly the only convention we’ve ever attended for which I’m genuinely eager to eat on the premises. In addition to local chains LaRosa’s Pizzeria and Skyline Chili, they also welcome the wondrous works Tom & Chee, a specialty grilled-cheese joint that also has a location twenty minutes from our house. This year their booth was a lot less prominent, stationed in a faraway section behind the northernmost aisle. We had no idea they were there till Anne went on a scouting mission and stumbled across them. As with last year’s upstanding lunch, we found ourselves duly satisfied and wish they catered every con ever.

Pictured above: Anne’s BBQ& Bacon Melt. Not pictured: my Tom & Chee Melt, which was topped with cheddar, mozzarella, garlic, Roma toamtoes, and balsamic reduction.

And for decadent dessert, the “Dark Vader”: sliced ‘n’ fried glazed donut with mozzarella, dark chocolate, marshmallow, strawberries and mascarpone. Sumptuous and addictive but not cloyingly sweet.

We otherwise wandered here ‘n’ there and didn’t spend much. We’re saving up for other potentially exciting events coming soon (besides bills for adulting, I mean). Seeing some of the same artists at every Midwest con again and again and again has gone beyond a mere novelty wearing thin. I’m sick of back issue boxes. My reading pile isn’t dwindling. I’m still extremely reluctant to buy from would-be novelists at cons. I still don’t buy prints. And I’m reluctant to finish writing my long-delayed MCC entry “How Not To Sell Me a Comic in Artists Alley” because I might have to sound harsh about 99 out of every 100 offerings I’ve walked past.

But hey! There’s fun to be had at every con nonetheless. Just not the kind of fun that the participating retailers wish we were having.

The super-size Star Wars diorama section was mostly displays we saw last year, but they’re cool anyway. Life-sized Dewbacks are fun!

Bonus points to any con that doesn’t gouge you for $20 just to sit in a replica movie car.

…I have no idea why there were Cars arrows.

Naturally a smattering of off-topic, non-geek vendors bought booth space. If you were a vendor or artist turned down by CCE due to lack of space, thank the folks at LASIK for wasting your spot.

Our last major activity for the day was Wallace Shawn’s 1:00 Q&A, hosted by a local Fox anchorman. No audience questions were allowed, so no one had the chance to pelt him with riveting journalist takedowns such as “What was it like working with [name of actor more successful than you]?” or “I have a two-part question, but I’m lying because they’re actually two different unrelated questions…” or “Can you say ‘inconceivable’?” He was surprised that so many hundreds of us had shown up for the occasion.

(It wasn’t simple, but we managed. We arrived two minutes before the end of Daphne Zuniga’s Q&A, only to learn they were clearing out the general audience section between every panel. That meant we left without getting comfortable, went and joined the long line that we hadn’t seen outside the other end of the room, marched back in, and immediately headed back to the exact same seats without a fight. By this time we really weren’t looking for extra exercise, but we did what was asked.)

Brief excerpts from the mind of Wallace Shawn:

* Among his favorite movies are David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive and Lars von Trier’s Melancholia
* He’s not a Method actor
* His preferred acting technique involves clearing his head and interacting with the other actors so their responses feed off each other
* He describes himself as “a bitter guy”, and I got the impression that Disney/Pixar has not actually covered all his living expenses from 1995 to eternity

…and he expressed disdain for the “hierarchical” divisions in a standard Hollywood production. He vividly recounted the one time he worked on a big movie in which the main stars were helicoptered to the set every day and got to stay in a big house; the director was limo’d to set and got his own trailer; the “short, funny-looking actors” (i.e., his tier) rode a bus together to set and had to split trailers between them; the extras mostly milled around in one big tent; and the disabled extras were sequestered in the back of said tent. Not exactly the glamorous life for all.

He refused to answer a couple of the anchorman’s questions because he believes people should keep some things firmly for themselves and not up for worldwide sharing, even harmless fluff like favorite color. We had no argument with that. We were all just happy that he was here to convention with us.

We left the show mid-afternoon, elated with our results and satisfied with our CCE experience once again.

Net convention results. Not pictured: one clearance item from Gem City Books.

On our way around the second-floor meeting rooms, we paused for thought at the bird’s-eye view of the exhibit hall.

If you’ve never done a comic/entertainment convention, after the initial sensory overload you eventually learn to cope and figure out how to live inside a crowd for a while.

On our way to the exit, we had the sincere pleasure of saying hi to a young couple we’d previously met in the wintry entry line to Hall of Heroes Comic Con, our first 2017 comic-con waaaay back in March. They recognized us first, but we remembered them both a second later. They’re doing fine, their baby boy has grown tremendously since then, and they kind of wondered if we do a lot of cons.

We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do. For 2017, at least. And our year isn’t over yet.

Thanks for reading! Lord willing, maybe third time will be the charm in Cincinnati next year.

Action figure comes with two points of articulation, backpack accessory that won’t stay on, and jazz hands frozen in place for all eternity or until action figure is left out in the sun for too long, whichever comes first.

So you say you like comic books? Not just like them, but LIKE-like them? Have we got a show for you!

Last Saturday my wife Anne and I had the pleasure of attending the third annual Cartoon Crossroads Columbus, an enlightening expo in the heart of Ohio for hardcore fans of comic books, graphic novels, the Graphic Storytelling Medium, and whatever other labels my fellow fans slap on their favorite hobby. You’d think Anne and I had our fill of cons after all the shows we’ve been doing this year. We can honestly say we’ve officially reached burnout, but CXC isn’t your ordinary average “comic con”. CXC has no Hollywood actors. No celebrities. No cosplay. No photo-op booths. No gaming. No eBay toy dealers. No Funco Pops. No comic shops selling Marvel Ultimate trades by the pound as horse feed. No lengthy list of famous guest cancellations due to filming or showrunner malfeasance. And no sugar gliders.

What does that leave, you may ask before you close your browser tab in disappointment? Comics. CXC puts the “comic” back in “comic con” and then runs the “con” part through an intense filtration process to produce the purest possible form of the original sense of the phrase. CXC is the perfect show for the comics fan who’s disappointed by the increasingly mixed bag that the average Artists Alley has become at many large-scale shows. CXC is a bountiful bazaar for the collector who wants to buy something besides prints or self-published novels. CXC is a happy haven for readers who know there’s more to comics than Marvel and DC. CXC is a knowledgeable nexus for the artistic literati above my station, sneering at any comics retailer who thinks stocking some Image Comics by former Marvel writers is all the “diversity” they can handle.

As you might note from the above photo, CXC is also a wondrous shopping opportunity for anyone who loves meeting comic creators face-to-face and buying paper wonders from them in person instead of through Amazon. We attended the first CXC in 2015 when it was held inside a lovely community center that strained to contain it. We missed last year’s gathering, but pinned this year’s on the calendar as soon as I saw the guest list. (This was more my thing than Anne’s, but she enjoyed tagging along and watching me immerse myself in a comics-rich atmosphere. She’s awesome like that and knows I love her more than all the comics in the world, which is why we have Anne-centric activity coming soon on the calendar.)

This year’s CXC marketplace was held at the Columbus Metropolitan Library on the east end of downtown. The surrounding area was deathly quiet on a Saturday, but the library itself was a beautiful facility. Their garage has four floors and parking wasn’t a problem, especially as they surprised us with free parking. Their conference rooms have the most comfortable chairs we’ve ever sat in for a comics panel — padded, wheeled, reclining bliss. They have a coffee shop and those 21st-century water fountains that feature a separate faucet for refilling our water bottles.

And there’s that architecture and decor…

The Columbus Metropolitan Library reminds me of our downtown library back home in Indianapolis, but ours has never hosted this sort of festival.

Ours does not have an art fountain out front.

One of the decorative quotes in the elevator lobbies.

A preserved facade in the main lobby.

The stairs leading to the main event on the second floor.

One of the best perks: CXC is free. No admission costs. No VIP badges. No online Ticketmaster-style fees or upcharges. The only costs are for your own food and travel expenses, plus all the books, comics, mini-comics, and other related purchases you can carry. If you lose self-control, the convenient parking made it easy to leave the show floor, go back to the car, drop stuff off, and return inside for Round 2.

With nearly 100 creators in the house, temptations abounded. We arrived shortly after CXC opened at 11:00 and kept tripping over a series of helpful, smiling volunteers on our way toward the free-wheeling festival of funnybooks.

The view from the third floor. Beyond the photos stood more and more tables.

Among the comparatively larger publishers participating were the folks at Fantagraphics Books, patron saints of non-super-hero comics for over forty years. Their 26-volume The Complete Peanuts set is a highlight in my personal library.

Along with their comics, some artists brought stickers, bookmarks, mugs, buttons, and so so and so on. Crystal Gonzalez brought her comics to life as stuffed characters.

I was game for meeting new faces and hearing new voices, but two names in particular were on my Must List. More obscure of the two: Matt Feazell! Back in the ’80s he was a fine purveyor of stick-figure mini-comics starring his characters Cynicalman, Antisocialman, and a few others without “man” in their name. Readers of Scott McCloud’s sci-fi series Zot! were treated to his hilarious one-page lo-fi tales beginning with #11, including the mid-numbered #14½ in which Feazell took over an entire issue with nothing but stick figures. His eyes popped a little when he saw I’d brought my copy of his 1987 The Amazing Cynicalman reprint volume.

Matt Feazell:
the man, the myth, the snappy dresser.

Fun historical footnote: decades after the original, his 2013 Indiegogo campaign for The Amazing Cynicalman Vol. 2 saw its rewards delivered to my mailbox at lightning speed, faster than any Kickstarter I ever knew.

My very, very first stop of the day had to be at the table of Evan Dorkin and Sarah Dyer. The delightful duo has written for various animated projects including Superman: The Animated Series, Batman Beyond, Yo Gabba Gabba, and DC’s Metal Men shorts from a few years ago.

The happy creative couple.

Long before their TV years, as a teen I was a fan of Dorkin’s first creator-owned work, the late-’80s black-and-white Slave Labor Graphics series Pirate Corp$!, which was a rogues-on-a-galaxy-run deal kind of like Joss Whedon’s Firefly but a decade sooner, with fewer Wild West planets and with more aliens, cursing, and ska bands. Dorkin later struck a chord in comic shops with Milk & Cheese, in which a pair of outraged living dairy products would vent their murderous fury at annoying people, places or things. In more recent years he’s done more mature and differenly entertaining comics fare like the all-ages adventure Calla Cthulhu (again, with Sarah) and the Buffy-meets-Watership Down canine demon-fighters of Beasts of Burden, painted by Jill Thompson. My all-time favorite of his was “The Eltingville Club”, whose complete 2015 hardcover collection I previously summarized like so:

One of the most savage satires of heartless, single-minded fanboys ever put to paper, about four alpha-nerds whose intense love of fantasy, sci-fi, horror, and comics take our seemingly harmless, oft-rewarding obsessions to the most selfish, offensive, damaging extremes and beyond, nearly every story ending with immature self-absorbed bro-vs.-bro slapstick savagery. A collection 20+ years in the making, from the earliest short stories dating back to 1994, to Dorkin’s final word on the subject, a two-issue Dark Horse miniseries that wrapped up their morbid, insular universe in 2015. If and when society reaches a point where “post-geek” truly becomes a thing, Eltingville needs to be among the movement’s primary textbooks.

The first Eltingville story I ever read left me breathless and in happy tears from too much painful laughter. As the stories accumulated, I began to appreciate them more as a intense cautionary tale of how not to be a comics fan. Dorkin was never one to suffer pretension or charades back in the day, but the Eltingville stories turned inward to an extent and threatened to bite the heads off any readers who ruin hobbies for others with a complete lack of self-awareness and decency, years before such toxic misbehavior became de rigueur on message boards and Twitter. It’s not a book for children or delicate readers, but it is a book for adults who never stopped being terrible children and who desperately need an intervention.

That’s why I had to buy cool things from Dorkin and Dyer first before moving on to anyone else, and why I didn’t let con burnout or a three-hour drive stop me from missing another CXC. They were a pleasure to meet and graciously put up with us for many more minutes than they should’ve had to.

Other highlights of our walk around the aisles:

* Once again giving money to Derf Backderf and Dara Naraghi, veterans from CXC 2015
* Swapping Harvey Pekar anecdotes with Jaime Crespo
* Seeing the fascinating ideas the Columbus College of Art & Design implements for its comics-artist track
* Comparing notes on Weezer’s “White Album” with fellow fan Alec Longstreth
* Dustin Harbin recounting his A+ experience meeting CXC 2016 special guest Sergio Aragones (really kicking myself for missing out)
* Reading recommendations from the comic-shop vendors who sold me copies of Mimi Pond’s new book The Customer Is Always Wrong and the latest issue of Adrian Tomine’s consistently impossible-for-me-to-find Optic Nerve (I’d love to give them credit, but my Square receipt literally says just “The Comic Shop”, someone’s cell number, and nothing else)

…and more more more. I wish I could’ve visited every table, one at a time, and bought something from each of them. At one point I did actually find myself stopping at three consecutive tables in a row, which was a fun sensation I don’t have too often. Alas, neither my funds nor my reading time are unlimited. One of the sad parts of adulthood is the lines we have to draw for the sake of moderation.

Shortly before 1:00 we ended our first tour of the aisles and made a relief stop at the car. We exited the library in hopes of catching lunch somewhere not too far away. Our answer and salvation was parked thirty feet from the front door: a food truck! Kinetic Food Truck was on site to save anyone and everyone from the iffy Google Maps results and from the unwanted overtures of the Subway down the street. Diners had their choice of chicken or vegetarian dollops served on either greens or grains with Baja, Caprese, or West Coast sauce-‘n’-veggies. For an extra four bucks I threw in a side of Brussels sprouts, roasted and drizzled with balsamic glaze. I normally hate Brussels sprouts and sincerely appreciate when a chef doesn’t just boil them and serve them plain and inherently disgusting.

12/10 would eat there again and thank them 100 times for simplifying our day.

After a non-comics digression that we’ll cover in a future entry, we finished out the day with two panels. At other Midwest comics events, comic-book panels and Q&As tend to break down into the following standard categories:

1. How to make or break into comics
2. Yay diversity in comics
3. Boo harassment in comics
4. Publishers plugging their latest relaunches and crossovers (C2E2 only)

In addition to one-on-one interviews, the folks at CXC put a lot of thought into their programming lineup. First up at 3 p.m.: “The Other Mainstream: Indy Creators on Non-Indy Books” — anecdotes and horror stories from working with Marvel and/or DC to their own detriment.

Left to right in that fuzzy pic:

* Fantagraphics mainstay cartoonist Peter Bagge (Neat Stuff, Hate), who — during that weird Bill Jemas era — was once allowed to do one of the most subversive and poorly selling Spider-Man stories ever, followed by one of the most suppressed and censored Hulk stories ever.

* Kyle Baker (previously met at Motor City Comic Con), who started as an inker at Marvel as a high school intern, worked his way up to creator-owned wonders like The Cowboy Wally Show and Why I Hate Saturn, only to return to work-for-hire with mixed results. At Marvel, the controversial The Truth: Red, White and Black made fans hate Captain America years before the recent Hydra Steve era made hating Cap cool. The award-winning short story “Letitia Lerner, Superman’s Babysitter”, starring an invulnerable Superbaby in ostensible danger, so worried the publisher that he ordered an entire anthology’s print run pulped lest it escape into the wild and be misread by the illiterate. The incredibly stupid story of why Baker will never be allowed to work on Plastic Man for the rest of his life is beyond maddening.

* Connor Willumsen, a younger up-‘n’-comer who’s had several paying gigs at Marvel, almost none of which have seen the light of day due to editorial whims, including but not limited to the time he had a story spiked because he refused to draw it in the John Cassaday widescreen style that’s now Marvel’s house standard, and which I’ve been loathing for years because it turns comics into static storyboards and squanders the medium’s potential to the nth degree.

Not pictured: Jeff Smith, creator of the long-running Scholastic bestseller Bone as well as Festival President and Artistic Director of CXC itself. Smith once did a Shazam! miniseries for DC that began as a fun experience but ended with him not feeling much incentive for any follow-up collaborations with them.

Final panel at 4:00 before we had to hit the road: “Comics Memoirs” — a deep-dive work-process roundtable with insight into what it’s like to mine your own life’s story for graphic novel material.

Pictured left to right: moderator Tom Spurgeon, fine comics journalist and Executive Director of CXC itself; Emil Ferris, who at age 55 made her comics debut this year with the critically acclaimed My Favorite Thing is Monsters; Howard Cruse, whose 1995 Stuck Rubber Baby was probably one of the best-selling graphic novels by an “out” gay cartoonist in the 20th century (corrections are welccome on this); the aforementioned Mimi Pond, who once dallied in TV, including writing the very first episode of The Simpsons; and the equally aforementioned Derf, whose true story My Friend Dahmer was recently adapted into an indie film starring a former Disney teen as the titular serial killer who was once Derf’s high school classmate.

Both panels held their share of fascination for me. I didn’t take notes, just listened and absorbed and remained grateful for the opportunities to hear professionals speak at length and in depth. They tried recording both panels despite some technological struggles, in hopes that those could be posted online soon.

After the panel, I insisted we sneak back up to Dorkin and Dyer’s table for just one last purchase, promised that was it and no more, then put my wallet away and let us leave before I could spend again. To an extent it’s probably best for our household budget that not every “comic con” has the kind of stellar comics lineup that CXC offered.

Is this a good time to confess that the very first photo at the top of this entry was only half the stuff I bought?

Here’s the other half of my CXC stack. No, YOU have a comics problem.

And this was just our side of CXC, and just their Saturday. This doesn’t include the Saturday panels we missed, their full slate of Sunday panels, or the Thursday and Friday seminars and activities that were held at other Columbus institutions, or the three (!) consecutive nights of after-parties. CXC is more all-that than one mere comics fan’s writeup can possibly contain.

Thanks for reading! Here’s hoping for more CXC in our future, if Anne will let me after this.

Ellen Ripley’s Caterpillar P-5000 Work Loader from Aliens. Sure enough, she does have a Class 2 rating.

As it worked out, our last out-of-state foray for 2017 took us to the longest-named event of our year. Since 2012 Fanboy Expo has been a staple of the scene in Knoxville, Tennessee. After a presumably successful show in June, this year they branched out to a second show in October, the Fanboy Expo Totally Awesome Weekend. We’ve never been to a basic Fanboy Expo, but we gathered the Totally Awesome Weekend spinoff was built to focus more on the actor guests than on the “comic” in “comic con”. I deduced this not from any public statements on their part, but on the fact that the guest list on their official website listed five (5) comics/animation artists and six tattoo artists. This is abnormal compared to the events held in our usual bailiwicks.

That disparity doesn’t have to be a terrible thing. My wife Anne and I are more satisfied when a show finds a fair balance comics and entertainment guests. This time, however, we saw FBTAW as a companion piece of sort, the flip side of the previous weekend’s Cartoon Crossroads Columbus. There, I’d had the opportunity to overdose on comics; this weekend it was Anne’s turn for a whirlwind reunion tour with familiar faces from the classic TV of her childhood. It was only fair, especially since her birthday’s this coming week.

The ultimate destination for our 5½-hour drive: the Knoxville Convention Center, opened for business in 2001 at the foot of the world-famous Sunsphere, super-sized souvenir of the 1982 World’s Fair.

If you’re parked downtown, you can enter the handy skybridge opening at Locust Street and Clinch Avenue, and walk directly into the convention center’s upper levels.

The Knoxville Convention Center isn’t the smallest we’ve seen, but was smaller than we expected. It has just two exhibit halls. FBTAW occupied the larger one, while the smaller was devoted to Food City Fest, a big foodie show held by a local supermarket chain. For a second we considered double-majoring, but decided to focus.

FBTAW had everything we’ve come to expect from the cons back home, but on smaller scales. A security checkpoint at the front door kept things safe, and looked more deeply into my bag than any other security guard ever has. At best our bags normally warrant fleeting glances under the assumption that neither of us would be caught dead with a .22 made from 3-D printer parts and wedged at the bottom. The Will Call roster was printed on paper instead of stored in digital devices, and didn’t include the names of anyone who’d bought tickets online within the past week (including us). The show naturally had a line of fans waiting before showtime, but less than a hundred by my count. You can always judge a show’s performance by the first line, whether it’s the village-sized masses of the gargantuan C2E2 or the handful of us who tried to get excited about the flop-tastic Awesome Con Indy three years ago. FBTAW’s entry line wasn’t colossal, but it was a manageable size for a modest affair.

As long as we have cosplay, we know it’s some kind of comic con. And so there was:

Jason Voorhees welcomes you to your doom. I mean, um, to the show.

The amazing spectacular sensational friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Deadpool (X-Force variant), Harley Quinn, and of cource their li’l daughter Harleypool.

The eponymous Phantasm from the animated Batman: Mask of the Phantasm.

From the world of Bioshock, a splicer and a Little Sister, complete with EVE hypo and creepy dolly.

From their website alone, I honestly couldn’t tell if FBTAW would have any comics dealers, toy salesclerks, craftspeople, printmakers, or even self-published novelists in attendance. At all. They never posted an exhibitor list or a map of the show floor. That’s generally a sign that a given show won’t be large enough for anyone to need those amenities. A few dozen businesses and creative types did indeed show up and ply their wares, but many of them looked like this:

To be fair, Funko Pop peddlers are now a majority space-holder at nearly 75% of all comic-con-shaped shindigs today.

I did find one (1) proprietor at a table selling comics: Storme Smith, publisher and co-founder of Buño Books, who previously exhibited at Baltimore’s SPX in September before coming to Knoxville. Pictured below are the wares they offered: Smith’s own jazz bio-comic Rhythm Man: The Legend of Chick Webb, illustrated by Derick Jones; the all-ages adventure Cloudia & Rex from Ulises Farina and Erick Freitas, collaborators on IDW’s American-ized Judge Dredd series; and the mini-hardcover Light by Rob Cham, an artist/editor/teacher in the Phillippines overtly influenced by Jeff Smith’s Bone. I was so happy to detect a comics presence, I bought one of everything.

Their output is effectively the star of my standard “photo of every comic I bought” that I include in every convention write-up.

Longtime MCC readers have heard me protest in the past that, with extremely few exceptions (Hi, Brian! Hi, Luther!), I don’t buy novels or art prints at conventions. At some shows where prints ‘n’ prose comprise 80% of their Artists Alley, that doesn’t leave much shopping for me to do. It’s kind of a good thing that I also don’t buy back issues anymore because I don’t think I saw more than three comics dealers on site at FBTAW. However, we do owe another shout-out to the folks at Sassy Pants Sweets & Treats, the snack artisans we just saw two weeks ago at Cincinnati Comic Expo. Like us, they seem to be getting around a lot this year and found parts of Knoxville to enjoy.

Note the new faces in their iced sugar cookie lineup!

Beyond the dealers’ area in the center of the exhibit hall, that left the couple dozen actors, musicians, and other talents lining its perimeter for autographing and photo-op purposes. A handful of them became Anne’s best reasons for making Fanboy Expo Totally Awesome Weekend her birthday outing for this year.

The biggest group in the house was an Aliens reunion featuring Michael Biehn, Lance Henriksen, Jenette Goldstein, the two masterminds behind the creature effects, and a handful of the Colonial Marines who, all combined, had fewer lines than Newt. I love the film but opted out of that entire section, which is just as well because Biehn and Henriksen had the longest lines of the day. (I’d already met Henriksen previously.)

Rather, Anne was there for Sesame Street. The quintessential kids’ educational series began in 1969, the year before Anne was born. She spent many years watching its cast of ethnically diverse humans and Muppets living and laughing and singing together in an urban setting, an altogether exotic locale for a white suburban family like hers that needed to know the entire world was more than what she saw around her every day. On hand were four of the actors from her Sesame Street heyday. Of those, she’d already had the mind-blowing chance to meet puppet master Carroll Spinney (Big Bird! Oscar the Grouch!) at the first and so far last Wizard World Indianapolis. The others played live human characters, friendly neighbors integral to the world she knew.

First on her wish list: Bob McGrath, who’d been on the show since the beginning. Bob played the character “Bob”, one of the few white characters. (Though Anne believes the Sesame Street characters had last names, she doesn’t recall ever hearing them on the show.) Bob did much of the singing on the show, continued to do so for a good 45+ years, and has recorded multiple children’s albums.

The kids these days deserve to know Mister Rogers didn’t have a total monopoly on the PBS ultra-benevolent-mentor field.

During Anne’s encounter, Bob pointed out that his wife’s name is Ann, but that she wishes it had an E at the end like hers. When she hugged him, he kissed her on the cheek and thanked her for being a “Sesame Seed” — what they call the kids who grew up watching.

Next table over: Emilio Delgado — a.k.a. Luis, who ran a fix-it shop. He was one of two Hispanic characters she remembers, the other being Maria played by Sonia Manzano. Each of them taught viewers Spanish words; in 1988 they fell in love and got married. Anne made sure to watch even though she was a teenager by then. Bob was best man, while Elmo was ring bearer who fretted about dropping the rings. (Direct quote: “DON’T DROP THE RINGS!”)

He’s also appeared in episodes of House of Cards and the Law & Order franchises, which simply do not compute.

Third table for the hat trick: Roscoe Orman, who played Gordon — the third actor to play Gordon, in fact, but he’s the first one Anne remembers. Gordon was married to another character named Susan. In the late ’80s, Gordon and Susan adopted a son named Miles, who was played by Orman’s real-life son Miles. Roscoe told Anne that Miles now has two kids of his own. Cheers, Grandpa Gordon!

But what’s more important is that Orman also appeared as Detective Freamon’s ex-partner in two episodes of The Wire, which I wish I’d known at the time. In my book this makes him the Greatest Sesame Street Actor of All Time.

(Extra special thanks to Anne for writing 90% of the preceding section. Full disclosure: I seldom got to see Sesame Street as a kid because for whatever reason my grandma never turned our TV to PBS. By the time I earned any real voting authority on our viewing schedule apart from Saturday morning cartoons, I was too old and missed out.)

Aliens and Sesame Street weren’t the only reunions going on. Other classic-TV viewers should recall Norman Lear’s Good Times — the first African-American sitcom, the one that paved the way for everyone from The Cosby Show to Black-ish. I missed the original 1974-1979 run but caught dozens of reruns in syndication, where their take on a loving family in the Chicago high-rise projects was the first show to come anywhere near resembling the section-8 apartment complex of my own lower-class upbringing.

Sadly, momma Esther Rolle passed away in 1998 and stern father-figure John Amos doesn’t do conventions, but their three kids were in the house, beginning with comedian Jimmie “JJ” Walker, he of the catchphrase “DY-NO-MITE!” which was America’s favorite thing for about fifteen minutes back in the 1970s.

He refused to let Anne call him “Mister Walker”, but seemed nice.

Bern Nadette Stanis was middle sister Thelma, who had the displeasure of suffering two brothers but proved a role model for girls like her everywhere that needed to know they did not have to put up with that kind of nonsense. Today she’s an author with four books to her name.

Ms. Stanis was extremely gracious in letting Anne babble on and on (Anne’s words, not mine).

Ralph Carter was Michael, the youngest of the Evans clan. Anne and I both vividly remember the episodes after John Amos’ character was killed off, which left the surviving cast to mark his passing (read: Amos’ firing) in their own ways. Michael was the most devastated of all, lashing out and provoking candid conversations about faith and grief that left a mark on us younger viewers. According to the kindly Mr. Carter, that young boy’s tears weren’t entirely acting.

I’m not sure what he does for a living, but based on the heartfelt depth of our conversation, my guess would be devout pastor — a man of God and a fantastic pleasure to meet.

But wait! The reunions didn’t stop there! Once upon a time five years ago, in a story I have yet to retell online (I promise it’s on the to-do list), Anne got to meet three of the six kids from The Brady Bunch at a special Kings Island event while my son and I went on rides and totally missed out. One of the three remaining Brady kids was on the guest list for FBTAW and neatly crossed his name off her bucket list: Mike Lookinland, known in a former life as li’l Bobby Brady. Anne brought the Kings Island group 8×10 that the other three had signed — a rare photo of the entire cast doing needlepoint together between takes — which Lookinland asked if he could snap a copy on his phone to show his mom. Apparently needlepoint was one of the many activities that kept the kids busy on set while the grown-ups were taking their sweet time with the really boring aspects of making a TV series.

It was his idea to sneak Susan Olsen into the shot for free. Cindy Brady was one of the kids Anne already met at KI.

Anne had also already met the third Brady in their autograph row, but I hadn’t. In addition to his good ol’ days as TV’s Greg Brady, we had fun watching Barry Williams in a recent season of the Food Network’s Worst Cooks in America, in which he and several other stars of lesser stature than The Greg Brady had to compete in a goofy Cooking 101 contest. Williams was denied victory and basically robbed, but the Worst Cooks celebrity editions aren’t exactly the fairest of game shows.

Despite that stinging loss, Williams was more than happy to help me fill my jazz-hands quota for the day.

Look closely and you’ll notice he let me borrow his tiki idol! But then he made me give it back before a piano could fall on my head.

Longtime MCC readers know jazz hands are our thing when it comes to actor photos. To date we’ve met exactly two celebrities (Rosario Dawson and Brenda Strong) who responded with the phrase “Fosse Fingers”. Williams topped them both: not only did he work with the legendary Broadway choreographer Bob Fosse in his youth, Fosse gave him his first post-Brady gig as the lead role in Pippen. To bask in the presence of a performer who’d actually, literally been paid to master the fine art of jazz hands…let’s be honest: no other convention has ever given us that before. Frankly, I was floored.

Nevertheless, I composed myself and prepared for our final encounter of the day: John Wesley Shipp! Comic book fans of my generation fondly remember him as Barry Allen, our hero from the original 1990 TV version of The Flash. Younger fans today have seen him in the CW’s current take on the DC Comics mythos, in which Shipp has played both Barry’s beleaguered dad and the elder Flash of another Earth who’s been a mentor to the promising upstart speedster. The new show’s gotten a number of things right and impressed me at turns (and, okay, sometimes frustrated me), but one of its cleverest moves to date was letting the original Flash shine as he passes on the legacy of heroism.

Beyond just dropping by and putting the “awesome” in “Totally Awesome Weekend”, Shipp was also plugging his audio drama Powder Burns, an ongoing Western series about a blind sheriff.

Extremely nice guy, worth the 5½-hour drive.

…and that was just about it for our Fanboy Expo Totally Awesome Weekend 2017. None of these tremendous folks had long lines early in the day, though I certainly hope that changed later for the better. Between the lack of crowds and the small dealer turnout, we considered ourselves wrapped up before noon. Admission was cheaper than the average con, leaving us satisfied and guiltless at our early departure. They had Q&As scheduled for later in the afternoon, but we can take or leave those, and we had some ideas on local tourism, which we’ll cover in future entries.

For the size of show and breadth of guest list, FBTAW suited us fine and we appreciate the experience. I can’t say for certain whether or not we’ll be back, but our noncommittal response is no fault of theirs. Anne and I keep telling each other we need to do fewer shows in 2018, and preferably keep them closer to home — partly due to burnout, partly because we have new expenses in our immediate future, and mostly because the time expenditure is complicating some things for us. But if we can keep finding the right mix of suitable guest lists, manageable drives, and worthy comics creators, you’ll hear about them here ASAP on MCC.

Thanks for reading! Lord willing, see you next con…

David Harbour, a.k.a. Chief Hopper from Netflix’s Stranger Things, getting more than he bargained for in his big weekend.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time again! This weekend my wife Anne and I attended the fifth annual Indiana Comic Con at the Indiana Convention Center in scenic downtown Indianapolis. It was another opportunity to dive into comic boxes, meet people who make comics, boggle at toy displays, make way for the youngsters who can’t get enough of anime merchandise, and find space to breathe in those cheerfully ever-growing crowds. To be honest, we were surprised how many of the actors on hand were folks we’d met at previous cons, but Anne and I found a few new intriguing names on the guest list and decided to drop by once more.

The biggest name we hadn’t met was, of course, our man Chief Hopper, the hero of Hawkins, the guardian of Eleven, and one of the great cast members from Stranger Things. He was a later addition to the con’s guest list, but his recruitment sealed the deal for our participation. We were far from alone on this, accompanied as we were by thousands of other fans excited for the opportunity.

As for the rest of the celebrity guest list…honestly, we’d met a lot of them already. Longtime MCC readers realize we’ve been doing quite a few conventions over the past few years, to the point that we spent more time in 2017 attending cons than sleeping.

We pause now for a very special MCC Convention Clipfest in which we recap the Indiana Comic Con 2018 guest list using pictures from our own past experiences:

From HorrorHound Indy 2017: Sean Astin, the unsung hero of Lord of the Rings and season 2 of Stranger Things.

From Wizard World Chicago 2013: James and Oliver Phelps, a.k.a. Fred and George Weasley from the Harry Potter series.

From Cincinnati Comic Expo 2017: Wallace Shawn from The Princess Bride, the Toy Story trilogy, and My Dinner with Andre.

From Wizard World Chicago 2014: Kevin Conroy the definitive Caped Crusader voice from Batman: The Animated Series.

Also from Wizard World Chicago 2014: Jonathan Frakes, a.k.a. Commander William Riker from Star Trek: The Next Generation and acclaimed director of Star Trek: First Contact and several episodes of Leverage, among other works.

From C2E2 2017: author Timothy Zahn, one of the grandmasters of the Star Wars Expanded Universe.

And lest we leave out the world of comic books: from our epic-length weekend at Wizard World Chicago 2015 came a brief musical number by Ty Templeton, a celebrated writer, artist, funnyman and onetime Canadian TV actor.

We do regret missing one of Indiana Comic Con’s big guests this year — Matthew Lewis, a.k.a. Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter series, who unfortunately changed his schedule to Friday-only after we had already decided to attend Saturday only. Perhaps we’ll meet at a future con, Lord willing. A few other actors were in the house Saturday, but we had mixed feelings and little driving compulsion to brave their lines. Those that had lines, anyway.

Without any high-pressure time-sensitive priorities or any major autograph demands on our to-do list, we meandered into the Indiana Convention Center a mere hour before showtime, picked up our Saturday wristbands from Hall F, and joined the entry line at the opposite end of the hallway. The past two years we’d made a point of arriving ridiculously early among the first ten people in line. It’s a convention. It’s what we do normally. This time we happily ceded the position to other fans in exchange for slightly sleeping in and then indulging in breakfast down the street. The only difficult part was enduring the low temperatures outside, a frequent hindrance in this year’s peculiarly harsh spring. Carrying our jackets around the convention center all day would prove not to be so fun.

The doors opened a few minutes before 10 a.m. because apparently even the volunteers were excited to get the proceedings rolling. Our first stop was a mandatory errand: buying our David Harbour photo-op ticket. Unlike most other geek cons these days, Indiana Comic Con refuses to sell autograph or photo-op tickets in advance. Most cons are more than happy to take your cash up front and save you some minutes on the show floor, because then you have more time to go forth and spend bucks and do stuff. My best guess is that Indiana Comic Con would prefer to avoid the hassle of issuing refunds en masse in the event that celebrity guests cancel on them, and simply wanted to wait till they were absolutely certain their guests would be there, and then begin taking monies on their behalf. After the Fandom Fest debacle of 2017 I don’t blame showrunners for being sensitive to the issue of guest cancellations and their effect on consumer confidence. On the other hand, long-running companies such as ReedPOP and Wizard World have mastered the fine art of refunds whenever their guests bow out. As long as such refunds and apologies are timely and efficient, we’re totally understanding when actor conflicts come up. Sometimes this stuff can’t be helped.

Rather than refine any infrastructure for that aspect of the biz, ICC chose instead to sell photo-op tickets only on the show floor, only in person. Given the high-profile guest list, they should’ve been unsurprised when several hundred of us all got in line for photo-op tickets promptly at 10 a.m., all at the same time. I have absolutely no idea why they thought four (4) cashiers would be enough to handle this incredibly lifelike simulation of a Black Friday at Best Buy. The line moved somewhat quickly, but had been joined by several thousand more fans behind us by the time we escaped it around 10:30. Thankfully they realized this logjam would create problems for anyone interested in the day’s first session, Michael Biehn at 10:40, and asked those folks to come up front and buy theirs first. Everyone else had a long wait ahead of them…for the photo-op tickets alone, to say nothing of the actual photo ops later.

Harbour’s op wasn’t till 11:20, giving us a bit of time to walk part of the exhibit hall. We didn’t have time to do much — bought another $5 graphic novel from reliable Gem City Books; said hi to the guys from my local comic shop at their booth; saw Artists Alley filled with aspiring hopefuls selling prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, and also prints; and noted another con appearance by Optimus Prime.

We’ve seen it at least twice before, but this time there wasn’t a dude running laps around, waving his arms and yelling “NO PHOTOS!”

We also made time to meet one of the more celebrated writers in attendance: Peter David, writer of stuff. Anne knows him as the writer of several Star Trek novels, while I knew his comics work literally from Day One, starting with a pair of Spider-Man fill-ins that led to a celebrated run on Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man, which in turn led to Incredible Hulk (a ten-year run of which I have every issue), X-Factor, Spider-Man 2099, and onward to DC with Star Trek, Aquaman, and Young Justice. I could go on for paragraphs. I never thought he’d come out to the Midwest for a con, but here he was, courtesy of the publisher of some of his creator-owned novels.

I was also a follower of his long-running “But I Digress…” column in the back of every issue of Comics Buyer’s Guide for many years. His free-wheeling approach to choosing his subject matter was a key influence when I first started planning MCC.

We returned to the photo-op area shortly after 11 behind a couple hundred other fans who’d refused to go anywhere else that first hour. We killed the time saying hi to others around us, checking our phones, waving our ticket in the air on command every five minutes because the volunteers were oddly obsessed with verifying we’d paid our dues, and noticing the hundreds upon hundreds of ticketholders filing behind us and ensuring it would be a good, long while before Mr. Harbour would be able to break for lunch or return to his autograph table.

Several of us in the crowd also rolled our eyes in unison every time the volunteers recommended that we take off our glasses for the photo-op because we might not want glare from the camera flash obscuring our eyes. Breaking news for all those volunteers who apparently have great eyesight or contacts: anyone who’s been truly comfortable with wearing glasses for years will never, ever take them off for any photo. Ever. Over time they’ve become a natural part of ourselves, who we are and how we look. Without them we think we look weird. You suggesting I take my glasses off for a photo is like me telling you to shave your head right before a photo so you don’t have to worry about any stray hairs falling out of place. Your warning is useless against us.

The assembly line began rolling shortly before 11:30. We eventually got our turn meeting the man, the myth, and the legend. When we asked humbly if we could do our usual “jazz hands” pose, he joked in response, “Yeah, we can go back to my Broadway days!” And so it went. The first couple hundred fans may have worn him down a bit before our turn came.

Freed from our lone mandatory celebrity appointment, we had time to wander a bit more. We noticed the respective autograph lines for both Sean Astin and the Phelps twins had reached cosmic proportions and necessitated some awkward rearranging of placements. One of the lines appeared to snake backward into the curtained recesses of the farthest corner of the exhibit hall, threatening to swallow any newcomers into another dimension. We started having flashbacks to our classic debacle with ICC’s Carrie Fisher nightmare of 2015, but were grateful that such problems would not be ours this year. I noticed the same con employee who’d made the ill-advised Dragon*Con comparison at the time was still on hand in the same capacity. Later I also noticed a number of Facebook reviews from fans grumbling about the hours spent, the confusion sowed, and the chaos that ensued. I can’t comment firsthand on any of that directly except to express my condolences and my hopes that those fans found some other forms of enjoyment in their con experience.

At the same time, it wasn’t such a bad day for anyone excited to meet the non-headlining actors. While the line for Kevin Conroy looked impressively long, the other voice actors seemed to have manageable yet steady turnouts, particularly Nolan North and the aforementioned Mr. Shawn. At the far end of the autograph section, Sean Young seemed to have time for one-on-one conversations with those who approached. We took advantage of the situation to join one of the other short lines.

You may best remember William B. Davis in his role as the Cigarette Smoking Man from all the most confusing and dissatisfying episodes of The X-Files, or maybe that’s just us. But Anne, thoughtful person that she is, wanted to get his autograph as a gift for a coworker who’s a big X-Files fan who’s been going through hard times lately. Despite his significance to the show, his line took us about ten minutes. Quite a kind gentleman to meet, and accompanied by a very friendly handler who was likewise a pleasure to chat with.

One autograph for the friend, one photo for us. Seemed fair.

Because self-care is important, next on the agenda was lunchtime. Once again the showrunners negotiated with our city’s proud food truck industry and had a row of hardy entrepreneurs lined up along Georgia Street to cater to fans and passersby alike. The 40-degree temps and blustery winds made for an inhospitable dining climate, but we refused to settle for convention center grub. The wounds from previous experiences run deep. Our winning truck of choice was Talkin Turkey, specialists in Cajun turkey dishes. We grabbed our swiftly prepared meals, fled back inside the Convention Center, and miraculously found one empty table in the nearest dining area for respite.

Fried catfish for Anne, Cajun turkey chop for me.

We finished five minutes before 1 p.m., starting time for a comics panel around the corner featuring two gentlemen who made good comics during my Golden Age of reading back in the 1980s. ICC has a pretty good knack for persuading creators from that time frame to hold court and sign autographs.

Carl Potts, Peter B. Gillis. and the moderator who didn’t introduce himself.

Carl Potts entered comics in the late ’70s as an artist, then eventually became a full-time editor at Marvel. During his reign he oversaw such books as Power Pack, Alpha Flight, Moon Knight, and other books that were part of my steady comics diet. His early days at the company saw him in charge of the submissions pile that would yield future superstars like the influential Arthur Adams and Hellboy creator Mike Mignola. When Archie Goodwin moved from Marvel to DC, Potts also took over Marvel’s pioneering creator-owned Epic Comics line and kept it going for as long as possible rather than let The Powers That Be scupper it and its lineup of underrated, multi-genre projects. Away from his staff desk he created Alien Legion, one of the earliest Epic titles, occasionally drew or painted covers as a fine artist in his own right, and wrote the first two dozen issues of the original Punisher War Journal, initially drawn by some youngster named Jim Lee. Potts remained with Marvel throughout much of the tumultuous ’90s till escaping into other fields.

One of the many writers Potts worked with was the panel’s other highlight, Peter B. Gillis. He wrote the last several issues of the original run of The Defenders, and worked on titles such as Captain America, Black Panther, Dr. Strange, Micronauts, his own creation Strikeforce Morituri, and the Marvel alt-history anthology What If?, concluding Volume One of that series with some of its greatest stories, including one of my favorite Captain America stories. A short stint at DC Comics yielded a series based on the TSR role-playing game Gammarauders as well as another nearly forgotten creation of his, Tailgunner Jo. First Comics likewise gave him work to do as one of the few comics writers living in their hometown of Chicago at the time. He later switched career tracks, but was recently spotted adapting Peter Beagle’s The Last Unicorn to comics for IDW Publishing.

These two gents, taken together, were a Big Deal to me as a comics fan of forty years. The panel was a simple Q&A with questions from the audience (myself included! This is extremely rare) that filled the entire hour. Random tidbits that came up:

* Gillis is unimpressed with the current generation’s fondness for decompressed storytelling, and dismisses deconstruction in comics as “too easy to do”.

* Potts owes his career to networking as it existed back in those days, and got his start thanks to the benevolence of west-coast artists Alan Weiss (vastly underrated in my book) and Jim Starlin (creator of Thanos and Gamora, among other cosmic characters).

* Gillis recalls pre-computer days when Fed Ex was a critical resource for meeting last-minute deadlines, and fondly recounted one crazy late night in which a friend’s daredevil driving got him and a script to the drop-off station at the same time as fellow Chicago comics writers John Ostrander and Kim Yale.

* Potts kept the Epic line going for as long as possible, despite his superiors’ refusal to allow them much of a promotional budget, and even after he was instructed not to solicit new works from any talents working on mainstream Marvel books. Eventually the line petered out, but lasted just long enough to let Sergio Aragonés’ Groo the Wanderer reach 120 issues, possibly as a final insult to upper management. (Okay, that last part didn’t come up in the Q&A, but occurred to me just now. Shout-out to my fellow Groo fans out there!)

* When commenting on advantages of the digital age, Potts confirmed Cary Bates (The Flash, Captain Atom) was the first comics writer he ever knew to own a word processor. For you kids who’ve never heard that term, word processors were the missing link between typewriters and computers with letter-writing programs. Don’t make me cry by asking me to explain other steps in the evolutionary process such as WordPerfect, dot-matrix printers (which also came up in the Q&A), or typewriter ribbons.

* When pressed for recommendations of current comics, Gillis said he couldn’t think of anything recent that he would consider “exciting”. Potts is behind on reading and confesses to having stacks at the ready, but keeps up on the field in general and recommended Mariko and Jillian Tamaki’s This One Summer.

* Both had fun anecdotes to share about the late Mark Gruenwald, a fantastic Marvel writer/editor who was integral to the company during my childhood and young-adult years, and loved its entire universe to pieces until his horrifically untimely passing in 1996 at age 43. Gruenwald’s sterile Wikipedia entry doesn’t begin to do his legacy justice.

…and more, more, more. After their panel, all we had left to do was finish perusing the rest of the exhibit hall. I made a point of stopping by their tables as well, which was enjoyable.

Carl Potts and a selection of works, including a reissue of his former Epic graphic novel Last of the Dragons.

Peter B. Gillis, whom I wished I’d thought to ask about Strikeforce Morituri, which was an amazing book based on a fascinating concept and deserves reprinting for new audiences.

I also had the pleasure of meeting Brent Schoonover, an artist who’s been keeping busy at Marvel with work on Ant-Man, Captain Marvel, and the short-lived yet inspired Howling Commandos of SHIELD, which imagined Marvel’s premiere spy organization drafting a new team made entirely of monsters. I couldn’t pass up that last one.

I had hoped to meet one of the show’s other well-known guests — Bill Amend, creator of FoxTrot, one of the funnier comic strips still carried by our local newspaper — and one with geek cred, at that. We walked by his table three times between 12:30 and 3:40, only to find him absent every single time. This isn’t the first occasion on which I’ve missed out on meeting someone due to bad timing and a reluctance to loiter at their table for hours in hopes of their reappearance. I followed my usual procedure for such occurrences and gave up.

Otherwise…we took several more cosplay photos. I tried to look for more comics to buy, bypassed a couple of tables that I’d bought from before. Per my personal convention guideline, I skipped every single table that was selling nothing but prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, prints, and also prints. I did make one exception to this rule, but it was for Carl Potts.

One last parting glance at the Convention Center before we had to get in the car and drive back to the ordinary world.

By 4 p.m. we were essentially finished and satisfied with our Indiana Comic Con experience for the year. Ultimately my buying pile didn’t add up to a lot, but I was content. For value-added extra credit I also came away with so many compliments for my Doctor Who shirt from other passing attendees that now I’m tempted to wear it to every single con for the rest of my life until people start getting tired of it and mocking me to my face for it. Once again credit is owed to the seamstress extraordinaire at That’s Terri-IFIC, who’s had booths at a few Midwest cons but also accepts online inquiries.

This year’s loot. Not pictured: a $5 Uncanny X-Men trade that filled a gap in my Kieron Gillen collection.

The End. Thanks for reading! See you next convention…which, as it so happens, will be next weekend, much sooner than we’d prefer. We blame the Midwest convention boom and the shortage of viable weekends in any given year.

And if you’re among those still in line to get an autograph from the Phelps twins: hang in there, kid. I bet you’re almost there! You can do this! Eye of the tiger!

Other chapters in this special MCC miniseries:

Part 1: Cosplay!
Part 2: More Cosplay!

You may know Justin Hartley from NBC’s top-rated drama This Is Us, but Anne and I were fans of his work on Smallville as The CW’s original Green Arrow.

It’s that time again! The ninth annual Chicago Comic and Entertainment Exposition (“C2E2″) just wrapped another three-day extravaganza of comic books, actors, creators, toys, props, publishers, freebies, Funko Pops, anime we don’t recognize, and walking and walking and walking and walking. Each year C2E2 keeps inching ever closer to its goal of becoming the Midwest’s answer to the legendary San Diego Comic Con and other famous cons in larger, more popular states. My wife Anne and I missed the first year, but have attended every year since 2011 as a team.

In this special miniseries I’ll be sharing memories and photos from our own C2E2 experience and its plethora of pizzazz. Normally we lead off every convention miniseries with cosplay photos, but we’re rushing this batch of photos to the front of the line because several of my coworkers have vested interests in a few of the personalities we met this year. Hopefully this all-star talent lineup brightens their Monday morning.

The center of our lead photo is of course This Is Us costar Justin Hartley, the main person Anne wanted to meet this year. On Saturday he arrived at his autograph booth at exactly 11 a.m. and never seemed to lose energy, even when we took this pic with him later in the afternoon. We owe a special debt of gratitude to the photographer from Epic Photo Ops, who realized after we’d stepped out of the booth that there was a flaw in the shot and asked a volunteer to catch and bring us back for a retake. Classy.

Also classy: Gina Torres and Alan Tudyk, a.k.a. Zoe and Wash from TV’s Firefly! I previously met Mr. Tudyk at Wizard World Chicago 2013 but chose autograph over photo op at the time. This was my first opportunity to meet Ms. Torres, one of several actors in the house on Friday. Since the end of Firefly, Tudyk has now become the John Ratzenberger of Disney animated films, while Torres is preparing to star in her own spinoff from The USA Network’s Suits.

Me getting in the way of the lovely space couple.

Also hailing from space: three members of the cast of DC’s Legends of Tomorrow! Brandon Routh (Superman Returns, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, TV’s Chuck) plays Ray Palmer, a.k.a. the Atom, their resident scientist and Iron Man analog; Caity Lotz is team leader Canary, who has to overcome her dark past from Arrow and somehow whip her band of misfits into some kind of fighting form; and Dominic Purcell (Prison Break, Blade: Trinity) is Mick Rory, a.k.a. the moderately reformed villain Heat Wave, in charge of grumbling a lot, eating everything on their ship, and dropping all the best punchlines. Together they travel through time, fix broken events, confront the forces of evil, and try not to kill each other.

Lotz took most quickly to the “jazz hands” request, while I like to imagine Rory wishing he could chuck me out the Waverider’s airlock.

(Anne had the pleasure of meeting Routh previously at Wizard World Chicago 2013 and had nothing but awestruck things to say about him. I didn’t realize he was over eight feet tall and am now a little afraid to poke fun at Ray in my weekly live-tweeting.)

Reaching even father back into time, we come to one of my heroes from my young-adult years: singer/poet/actor/OG punk singer Henry Rollins. As head of the Rollins Band, their 1992 album The End of Silence was one of two albums that served as both catharsis and lifeline for me during my not-so-lovable young-adult years. He’s been doing lively spoken-word engagements for decades ever since the demise of his old hardcore band Black Flag, and ever since he put the Rollins Band off to the side. This year he added conventions to his touring repertoire, including HorrorHound Cincinnati two weeks ago. I previously saw him live in Indianapolis back in 2008 on his “Provoked” tour, but from terrible seats at the far back of the theater. This year Anne decided to treat me to an encore with “premium” seating.

We felt let down when C2E2 announced he wouldn’t be doing autographs or photo ops like the other celebrity guests…only to be surprised by a Thursday night email announcing that Rollins would be doing a special meet-and-greet before the show for premium ticketholders only. And thus was my mind blown. In a distant room far from the show floor, a few dozen of us had the pleasure to have our memorabilia signed (if only I’d brought some), chat with him, and take free photos.

When I asked him as humbly as possible about “jazz hands”, he paused and asked, “And how does one affect ‘jazz hands’?”

I pointed to my wondrous staff photographer Anne, who cheerfully demonstrated.

His eyes lit up. “Oh, like Cab Calloway!” I got the reference because I too am getting old.

Though his music possessed a serious intensity at times, Rollins has a tremendous sense of humor and rolled with it.

Your move, Ian MacKaye.

Rollins’ two-hour Saturday night stage performance was the best possible way to conclude our C2E2 experience, about which I’ll be sharing more in the days ahead.

But I’d be remiss not to include one more set of jazz hands starring a stellar cosplayer named Jason who’s become a recurring friend we look forward to seeing at cons. Jason suited up for the occasion as Drax the Destroyer from Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy with a complicated, astonishingly accurate body-paint job that takes his equally amazing wife Crystal seven hours to apply.

Best of all, he gets our thing for jazz hands.

These pics will also be added shortly to the Pinterest board I’ve been keeping for all the jazz-hands photos we’ve amassed over the past five years, as a way of creating our own special convention souvenirs with a certain joie de vivre in celebrating our experiences together as a couple and as fans.

To be continued! Other chapters in this very special MCC miniseries:

Part 2: Marvel Cosplay!
Part 3: More Cosplay!
Part 4: Last Call for Cosplay!
Part 5: Comics Creators Cavalcade
Part 6: Who Else We Met and What We Did
Part 7: Random Acts of Pop Culture

Kate Bishop a.k.a. Hawkeye, and Samurai Iron Man!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time again! The ninth annual Chicago Comic and Entertainment Exposition (“C2E2″) just wrapped another three-day extravaganza of comic books, actors, creators, toys, props, publishers, freebies, Funko Pops, anime we don’t recognize, and walking and walking and walking and walking. Each year C2E2 keeps inching ever closer to its goal of becoming the Midwest’s answer to the legendary San Diego Comic Con and other famous cons in larger, more popular states. My wife Anne and I missed the first year, but have attended every year since 2011 as a team.

In this special miniseries I’ll be sharing memories and photos from our own C2E2 experience and its plethora of pizzazz…

If it’s a convention, that means it’s time for more cosplay photos! Anne and I are fans of costumes and try to keep an eye out for heroes, villains, antiheroes, supporting casts, and various oddities that look impressive and/or we haven’t seen at other cons. First up: a great big batch of characters from assorted iterations of the Marvel Universe, movies as well as comics. These aren’t even all the Marvel characters we saw, but I had to draw my arbitrary dividing lines through our nearly five dozen costume photos where I could. Caveats for first-time visitors to Midlife Crisis Crossover:

1. My wife and I are not professional photographers, nor do we believe ourselves worthy of press passes. These were taken as best as possible with the intent to share with fellow fans out of a sincere appreciation for the works inspired by the heroes, hobbies, artistic expressions, and/or intellectual properties that brought us geeks together under one vaulted roof for the weekend. We did what we could with the tools and circumstances at hand. We don’t use selfie sticks, tripods, or cameras that cost more than a month’s worth of groceries.

2. It’s impossible for any human or organization to capture every costume on hand. What’s presented in this series will be a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the sum total costume experience. Other corners of the internet will represent those other fractions that we missed, which is the cool part of having so many people doing this sort of thing.

3. We didn’t attend Sunday. As previously explained at excessive length, we also nearly never do costume contests anymore. Sincere apologies to anyone we missed as a result.

4. Corrections and comments are always welcome, especially when we get to Part 4, which will include at least two characters we young geezers didn’t recognize. I do like learning new names and universes even if you’re more immersed in them than I am.

5. Enjoy!

Loki and Hela, who probably get along better in another timeline.

Another Hela and Dr. Strange.

Future movie star Captain Marvel and USAgent, a sort of alt-Captain America from the ’90s who hasn’t made it to the big screen yet.

Thor modeling the Infinity Gauntlet in front of the Avengers: Infinity War poster at the Marvel booth.

Ghost Rider, the very first cosplayer we encountered this weekend.

I brake for the unbeatable Squirrel Girl (and Tippy-Toe!) whenever and wherever possible.

Mandatory Deadpool variants, 1 of 4: Santapool. You better watch out! You’d better not DIE.

Breakfastpool brings his own unicorn cereal and, uh, Infinity Gauntlet.

I like to imagine Sheriff Woodypool yelling, “THERE’S A SNAKE IN MY BOOT!” and then shooting his own foot off, because it’s the only way to be sure.

Lady Deadpool demonstrating how we felt later when we had to settle for convention center cheese pizza for dinner.

The Wasp, one of the original Avengers from back in the day, well before Captain America joined the team and began hogging all the glory.

Say what you will about X-Men: The Last Stand, such as “It was sooooo horrible!” or “Why did you say that name? Uuuuggghh”, but Kelsey Grammer’s performance as the Beast, if not his fur, was eminently salvageable.

The Juggernaut, another scarred X3 survivor.

Hip-hop Hulk out in the lobby Saturday afternoon, kicking it old-school.

Hulk’s dance partner Spider-Man, who also happens to be one of the guys down at my local comic shop.

Punk rock Spider-Man bringing a different vibe.

Marvel Team-Up presents Elektra and X-23.

The Beetle, a classic Marvel villain who’s fought both Spidey and Daredevil, but has yet to be invited onto a live-action Marvel stage. Someday, maybe?

To be continued! Other chapters in this very special MCC miniseries:

Part 1: Another Jazz Hands Gallery!
Part 3: More Cosplay!
Part 4: Last Call for Cosplay!
Part 5: Comics Creators Cavalcade
Part 6: Who Else We Met and What We Did
Part 7: Random Acts of Pop Culture

Jedi Retiree Luke Skywalker swigging green milk, a nutritious part of every space breakfast.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time again! The ninth annual Chicago Comic and Entertainment Exposition (“C2E2″) just wrapped another three-day extravaganza of comic books, actors, creators, toys, props, publishers, freebies, Funko Pops, anime we don’t recognize, and walking and walking and walking and walking. Each year C2E2 keeps inching ever closer to its goal of becoming the Midwest’s answer to the legendary San Diego Comic Con and other famous cons in larger, more popular states. My wife Anne and I missed the first year, but have attended every year since 2011 as a team.

In this special miniseries I’ll be sharing memories and photos from our own C2E2 experience and its plethora of pizzazz. If it’s a convention, that means it’s time for more cosplay photos! Anne and I are fans of costumes and try to keep an eye out for heroes, villains, antiheroes, supporting casts, and various oddities that look impressive and/or we haven’t seen at other cons…

Part Two featured the majority of Marvel characters we met. This time around, the arbitrary chapter divisions bring us to the amazing world of DC Comics, including a handful of Marvel/DC team-ups. As a value-added bonus, also on deck are heroes and villains from the Star Wars universe plus a selection of video game personalities, just because. Same disclaimers apply as in Part Two. Enjoy! Again!

Blue Beetle (the Jaime Reyes version) and Okoye from Black Panther.

Batman Beyond and an unlikely partner in the Mole Man, the very first Fantastic Four villain.

Bane and Doctor Octopus, hoping in vain for a future Batman v. Spider-Man film.

We previously hung out with the Joker at Wizard World Chicago 2017 as part of a group stymied at a seriously annoying security checkpoint. His vocal and physical performance are an eerily accurate tribute to Mark Hamill, and lend themselves to some great photos on his Instagram feed.

Vigilante, one of DC’s cowboy heroes from way back when. He also appeared in an episode of Justice League Unlimited with the voice of Nathan Fillion.

Also animated: the Legion of Doom from Super-Friends — Gorilla Grodd, Captain Cold, Bizarro, Catwoman, and Black Manta. Bonus points if you know which one was not a Legion of Doom member.

I’m old enough to remember watching Plastic Man’s show on Saturday mornings. Too bad nobody ever cosplays as Hula-Hula or Baby Plas.

I believe you know Wonder Woman.

Mera, star of the upcoming blockbuster Aquaman, whom you may recall from three of the weirdest minutes of Snyder and Whedon’s Justice League.

Speaking of which: Aquaman alongside Winged Warrior Woody Woodpecker.

Costar of another blockbuster franchise: Supreme Chancellor Snoke, whose backstory will probably be explained some day in a six-part Algerian children’s audiobook, but never ever in an actual Star Wars movie.

Clone Wars star Ahsoka Tano.

Mara Jade Skywalker, proving the Star Wars Expanded Universe will never actually die as long as all the bookshelves of its fans never catch fire simultaneously.

Jawas! Making the world safe for undertall cosplay.

Darth Vader: the original Kenner action figure! Complete with unyielding, awkward, hard plastic cape and lightsaber that retracts inside his arm. This is a painstakingly accurate depiction of why I preferred GI Joe figures.

Also from my childhood, sort of: Super Mario’s big bad King Bowser.

Another Bowser, this one riding in his Koopa clown car from Super Mario World, plus a Princess Peach who’s scandalized that we paparazzi have caught her with him.

A hero from my young-adult arcade years: Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat.

From my old-adult gaming years: 9-Toes, one of the first bosses from the original Borderlands.

To be continued! Other chapters in this very special MCC miniseries:

Part 1: Another Jazz Hands Gallery!
Part 2: Marvel Cosplay!
Part 4: Last Call for Cosplay!
Part 5: Comics Creators Cavalcade
Part 6: Who Else We Met and What We Did
Part 7: Random Acts of Pop Culture